tuesday museday

Aloha and hello! Today's muse is brought to you by the letter W. And no, not that really terrible one.


W is for Win: So my pledges today circulated a link to this site: http://animalinyou.com/ Essentially its one of those really dumb personality tests, in the vein of those that would tell you what house you would be a member of in Harry Potter or what sports team fits your personality. I only mention this one because it gave me a most satisfactory answer. It pronounced me a bear. In case you didn't know, bears are FUCKING AWESOME. They are ferocious, yet can be great friends to humans. In all of their forms, from cute to terrifying, bears are the shit.







W is for Winter: FUCK YOU GROUNDHOG! How dare you fail to see your shadow?! Its probably right there, in front of you! Dickhead. We are all doomed now, so thanks a lot. Also, this event is not nearly as fun or funny as it was portrayed in that hilarious Bill Murray movie. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that we are relegated to six more weeks of this nonsense bullshit "winter" thing. I want to see the sun! I want to not fear slipping and dying on ice. I would also like for my car not to look like it has a permanent salt bukkake, for fuck's sake. Who interprets these results? I bet that smug looking bastard behind you has a large stake in sun lamp and blanket industries, directly profiting from this (perceived, at least) extension of the worst season.

W is for Weather: Its snowing right now. It snowed this weekend. Its supposed to snow again this upcoming weekend. Apparently this weekend storm is supposed to be big. To summarize my thoughts on the matter, I have created this little infographic:
For reference, that blob that covers most of Virginia is brown. In this particular model, brown represents the range between 18 and 20 inches. Of snow.

W is for Wuss: As in the Virginia "Democrats" who voted along with all 18 Republican Senators in the State Senate to render illegal any mandates for insurance coverage. Now while I am not too crazy about a mandate, if it means that more people will get better insurance, I like that idea. Way to carry water (another w-word!) for the whole Health Care Reform initiative. Jackasses. No visits to the White House (w alert!) for you!

tuesday museday 2010

Happy New Year! I know I was absent for some time over winter break, but thats just the way things go when the sun and fun of Florida provide ample distraction. Actually, who am I kidding? I rarely went outside, and when I did it was to do yardwork for my mom. My break was full of playing FIFA10 and watching HD movies on my parent's new TV.

Anyway, upwards and onwards to the inaugural muse of the year:

• wtf cold weather?! - Holy crap its cold outside. Where is that global warming Al Gore promised me in that movie a couple of years ago? You know the one he made on his Mac that scared the crap out of everyone and got him a Nobel Prize? Way to renege, dude. I am freezing my ass off here, and you know things are bad when the temperature cracks above freezing and it seems like a warm day. At least there is some snow in the forecast towards the end of the week. I swear, though, if this doesn't net me at least a two-hour delay I am doing to... to... be really mad! Gah, I can't wait for spring.

• Resolutioners... I am officially over you. No, no not you (hopefully) ex-smokers or dried up alcoholics out there. I am talking only to you people clogging up my gym for the past two days. As someone who has gone to the gym on a fairly regular basis for something like 6 years now, this January influx is not unexpected, but boy does it steam my clams. Don't get me wrong, I am all about self-improvement and getting fit and all that... heck thats why I am at the gym! BUT REALLY, these people are the worst. Its damn near impossible to get a treadmill to warmup on, and when I do find one, I am next to the smelly old guy! Come on! Ab machines? Forget about it. The newbies are using up all of those as well. Seriously, though, the fact that all these people are deciding at THE SAME FUCKING TIME to get in shape pisses me off. Getting healthy is something you want to start working on PROMPTLY. When you look at yourself in the mirror one day and realize you have to shape up, join a gym THAT DAY. Don't fucking put it off until some arbitrary day WHEN EVERYONE ELSE will be doing the SAME THING. It just makes things shitty for everyone. Put down the god damned hamburger and get on the stairmaster this MINUTE (not literally this minute because that would compound the problem, but you know what I mean.) GAH.

• Netflix - I can't believe I waited so long to get on this train. Now that I'm on it, though, I couldn't be more excited for the ride! Within minutes my mailing queue was stocked and my watch instantly list was extensive. I may not have mentioned this before, but I really like movies. I really don't like going out of my way to get them, though. Netflix really seems like it is going to bridge that gap nicely. First movie up on the queue is The Wrestler. Some other great movies are to follow, so I am thinking the blog may benefit from this new service by adding a new movie review feature (!)

• New York "Football" Giants - the football is in quotes because I am not sure if the team knew what sport they were supposed to be playing for the past couple of weeks. I really wasn't expecting all that much from the team following the fucking disgrace that was the Panthers game, but they really exceeded my expectations for shittyness with that stinker they laid in Minnesota. At least Bill Sheridan's head got rolling pretty quickly thereafter, but I am really hoping there is is another shoe to drop soon. And by shoe I mean Kevin Gilbride and by drop I mean get ditched in favor of an offensive coordinator worth a damn.

Onward and upward for the week, there may or may not be a book review soonish.

tuesday museday? tuesday museday.

Hmmm, retroactive Tuesday Museday on a Wednesday. What is this skullduggery? Sorry, had some Business that kept me busy last night, so I couldn't do the usual Tuesday edition of musings. Most sincere apologies!

But this bastardization of the muse allows me to segue into what should be a New Feature of the blog that should bring more Entertainment to the legion of loyal readers.

What is this brand-new Thing? Well while many blogs may have link dumps once in a while, I propose an even FINER link dump for the middle of the workweek. Why is it better? Because it is an All Star collection of links, from all corners of The Internet. Naming suggestions for this amazing new feature welcome. I am thinking something along the lines of Hump Day Heroics, or something.

Anyways, the segue will be me providing a sort of hybrid between the Tuesday and Wednesday features. And away we go!

• Here we have a perfect example of how ab-so-freaking-lutely talented some Internet People can be. Well that or they are so incredibly bored that they produce such works of genius. I mean this video combines two loves of mine (Mario games and Queen songs) into one sinfully glorious union. I am not sure if my excited brain made this up or if it is an actual feature of the video, but I believe the game sounds are some way made to sound like features of the song. And then we have the lyrics being introduced in various forms in the background of the four windows, another stroke of brilliance.

• This, this, and especially this are the opposite of said brilliance. They are the work of a hackery of the highest order. If you at one point were ever a fan of Family Guy, it may pain you to watch. I encourage you to do so, though, because any shred of affinity you once had for that hollow shell of a show will disappear.

• I really wish this nifty little tool had been invented when I was a senior in high school. That was about the last time that calculus actually mattered in my life, and having this Internet Thing able to solve problems for me (and show all work!) would have been quite useful. The computers, I tell you, they will be self aware before we know it. Now I know recently I called for an epic struggle against a mighty foe, but I am pretty sure self aware machines are sure to crush the entirety of the human race. Or maybe I watched Terminator at too young of an age.

• I am really not sure if I like what Time, Inc. is showing me with their 'Manhattan Project.' It seems to me like a spiffy PDF or a neat way to interact with a website. I am not sure if its entirely viable as an alternative to print magazines or web pages. I really want great publications like Sports Illustrated and Time to survive the great journalism purge, but I am not convinced that this is a way to weather the downturn.

• TMZ goes to Taiwan, meets the Sims and talks Tiger. Hilarity ensues.

And then there was this image that captured my imagination yesterday. I would just like to note the a) dog wearing a sweater, and b) the fact that he has clearly made it rain on this tortoise in addition to enslaving it as his means of transportation.

tuesday museday

Back to the quick hits version of the muse, because really, alien invasion?

• Thanksgiving is a mere two days away. How fucking exciting is that? In case I have never mentioned it before, its my favorite holiday. ORLY BRENDAN? ITS BETTER THAN CHRISTMAS?! Yes. Yes it is. I put it up against Easter, Halloween, New Years, et al. It trumps all. Christmas is awesome, don't get me wrong. But that is ostensibly only for one of the major religions of our melting pot of a country. Thanksgiving is for everyone, though, even vegetarians. How about that? Sure, its kind of fraught with some questionable overtones (sorry Amerindians), but what good holiday isn't? Halloween is inherently morbid, while New Years just reminds most people about how overrated New Years is. Don't even get me started on Valentine's Day, as it is pretty much universally boycotted/ignored by those not in a relationship. Thanksgiving has the three F's you need for an amazing day: Food, Football, and Family, probably in that order of descending necessity/enjoyment. There is also a fourth F. F-off if you are thinking about hating on this awesome day.

• Early entry for donkey of the week, nay month, nay year! Les Miles shows us how to lose a football game in the most inept manner possible. National Championship notwithstanding, he could be one of the worst coaches in HISTORY. What was he DOING?! He goes on to claim that he did not ask for the spike, when video evidence clearly shows that he DID (1:27). To call him "retarded" as many irate LSU fans have over the past couple of days would be both politically incorrect and a disservice to legitimately mentally challenged people across the world, so I will refrain. Les Miles, ladies and gentlemen, idiot and liar.

• Continuing with the football theme, I must have watched this clip about a hundred times at work today. You can literally taste the children's pain. Now I know that is horrible to say, but really, who doesn't like to see people get lit up? Its pretty much primal human instinct. Plus, I am pretty sure all those dads on the field could have prevented that first tackle from happening, but they wanted to see how the whole scenario would play out as well. What they got instead was the first entry in a longitudinal study of football-related brain injury. Well, that is, if that quarterback can ever muster the courage to step on a football field again. In happier news, I am pretty sure Nyrel Sevilla's parents don't have to worry about college tuition for the lad, as he will be playing on Saturdays.

• Fun fact: despite all the various criticisms leveled at Real Madrid coach Manuel Pellegrini, Madrid are off to their best start in over 15 years. Bring on El Clasico!

Thats all for the muse today because hey, Thanksgiving break started like 4 hours ago.

tuesday museday

After that brief post fail, I bring you the true tues muse:

• So my beloved Merengues fell to AD Alcorcon today (1-0, 1-4 on aggregate) in what was at times a spirited defense of the Bernabeu. As I was telling some friends today, while the loss is disappointing, it must be viewed in the larger context. While this loss may sting (as it came at the hands of a team with roughly 1/400th of the value of Real), it is not by any means a defining moment of the season, or a sign that the Galacticos project is doomed. The team had one bad game (the 0-4 loss at Alcorcon) and could not manage to score 4+ goals on a team that has not given up many throughout their whole campaign. This season does not, and never has, rested on how well the team did in the Copa Del Rey. Imagine for a moment, if at the end of the season the team had come in second in the league, crashed out of the Champions League, yet won the Copa. Would that season be considered a "success" by the fans, the front office, and the media? Heavens no. At best the King's Cup is a cherry on top of a season for Madrid, and at worse its a distraction from other competitions. The Champions League is the stated aim of this Club, and the season truly hinges on success and progress there.

• In other painful sporting news, my beloved New York Football Giants lost a heartbreaker to the Marmalard-powered Chargers. Just imagine if Lawrence Tynes had decided to participate in that field goal attempt on the Giants' first drive? All other things being equal, that would have put the difference at 9 instead of 6 heading into that final Chargers drive, changing the entire complexion of that game and rendering Tom Coughlin's gutless playcalling moot. / tears flow freely for what is shaping up to be a lost season for the GMen.

• Mad Men had an utterly awesome finale! What a bonus after that dreadful JFK penultimate episode. I honestly did not see the Jerry Maguire-esque turn of creating a new firm coming until it did. And the necessary return of Joan? Perfect. I really don't know what I am going to do with myself until next August when Season 4 starts up.

• I am actively looking for the proper chocolate syrup concoction to add to my coffee to make my everyday lattes into mochas. Any suggestions / is this a really unhealthy move on my part?

• Finally got caught up on FlashForward and I must say that I like what I am seeing from the show... **SPOILER ALERT** I was sad to see the suicide of Al, and would really hate to see some shit still happen to that chick he was supposedly trying to save. Maybe he will return to guide Demitri from the other side... and speaking of Demitri, does anyone buy his relationship with Zoey? Their relationship is probably the least believable part of this whole show, one that supposes that everyone on earth blacked out for 2+ minutes by some strange phenomenon cooked up by evil(?) Brits, mind you. Something has got to change here. Can Demitri run off with Janis and be her baby daddy or something? And finally... I am really into Sonya Walger right now in a cougar-prey kinda way. Dr. Benford can perform on me any time...

tuesday museday

And now, with the late-night musing! In quick-hits form because its close to bedtime!

I waited to muse until more of the Election Day results poured in. The results for the Blue Team are turning out to be not so fantastic:

• Alleged candidate Creigh Deeds lost emphatically to Bob McDonnell. Are we surprised at all? No. Deeds ran a terrible campaign and ran away from the bread and butter issues that turned out progressives for Obama last year. Coming out against the public option and cap and trade to appeal to voters who won't swing for you anyway is not the best strategy, Blue Dogs! Sry!
• Jabba the Hut Chris Christie appears to be on his way to victory in the Dirty Jers. This Christie character might lower your taxes, but watch your lunch, New Jerseyans!

The pain in fantasy football continues, as my team of note plummets to a 1-7 mark on a 7 game losing streak. Hmm, the pain in real football also seems pretty tangible, as the Giants fall to a 5-3 record on a 3 game losing streak. Reality imitating fantasy as it would seem.

At least the RMF side of me can take solace in the fact that it would appear that the Yankees are going to doom the Phillies tomorrow's Game 6 of the World Series. Maybe seeing a ticker-tape parade for another team through the city will inspire the Mets to, I don't know, learn how to run the bases properly and stay healthy for more than half a season. One can always hope, right?

I promise myself, and you dear reader, to have a more convincing Halloween costume next year. I was Andy from The Office this year, and just couldn't get into the Halloween spirit, as I felt that I was just dressed especially dweeb-ily and not in any particular costume.

On Monday I saw Michael Jackson's This Is It. I wavered at times from enjoying what I was seeing (Thriller and They Don't Care About Us seemed especially promising) to wondering why I was at the theater in the first place (the entire movie seemed like I could have made it on my Mac, what with its cheap-looking intro and transitions and all). The overall message I got from the movie, though, was that MJ seemed like he was in pretty good health in the weeks before his death, so really he was probably just negligently murdered by his doctor. Oops! Sigh.

Thats all I have for this Tuesday, but more frequent blogging should start later this week.

tuesday museday

In what should hopefully be a new weekly feature, I present to you Tuesday Museday. I will present some things that have caught my eye and hopefully provide some witty commentary!

• Today at the grocery store I purchased a new type of sugar, at least new to me. Before I was content with Sugar in the Raw for adding to my coffees and teas, as it is a) tasty and b) pretty natural seeming. The new sweetness in town (or at least my cupboard) is called Truvia, which is made with the plant extracts from the genus Stevia and the sugar alcohol erythritol. A sweetener that isn't totally genotoxic sounds too good to be true, so hopefully it doesn't taste like ass or cause me to grow a third eye. I am sure if it fucks up my daily dose of coffee in any way, though, you will hear about it.

• This completely insane painting has been making its way around the Internet today. Is it just me or do the wingnuts grow more insane by the day? I mean the overall rhetoric of this isn't that wild (there is even a tribute to Martin Luther King, Jr. in there!), but the overall presentation smacks of crazy. Cowering immigrant? Really?

• In my daily listening to Benigno and Roberts on WFAN today, the topic of the Mets' Citi Field paying too much homage to the Dodgers (and to a lesser extent the Giants). Among their chief complaints was that modeling the stadium after Ebbets Field was a poor start. I couldn't disagree with their position more. Look, the Mets were based as a replacement team for the Dodgers and Giants. In their selection of uniform colors, they specifically chose Dodger Blue and Giants Orange. The "NY" in their official logo comes straight from the Giants. The team was CREATED to pay homage to these two franchises that left New York high and dry (thanks a lot Robert Moses). Ebbets Field is (was?) iconic, and I think modeling the new stadium after another so important to the city's National League history was more than appropriate.

• The Rangers won again yesterday. Yay. Their overall record is now 2-1-0 with a big test coming up on Thursday against the Caps at the Verizon Center. I really hope they can make up for their shameful playoff performance with a win.

• I renamed my fantasy football team to Poo Poo Muldoon H.E.C. (hand egg club) because of their high degree of suckitude. More on this later.

Thats it for Tuesday Museday for this week. Lets see what other rhymed daily themes I can come up with... or not.