fifth column

On my way back from Richmond last Thursday, I decided to listen to the Sean Hannity radio show, just to check the pulse of the rabid right. I was treated to several eye-opening points of view and detected the beginning of what I perceived to be a coherent idea building amongst the wingnuts out there in Fox News-watching, Hannity-listening, National Review-reading world:

ACORN, the most famous tree nut of this political season, is responsible for both the collapse of the stock market AND will deliver the election to Barack Obama this November.

... uh what? Come again?

Yes, you read correctly: the Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now is single-handedly going to turn the country over to Barack Obama come November 4 (through "one of the greatest frauds of voter history in this country" according to Mr. McCain). How could they pull off such a massive campaign to defraud the naation? Well, its easy when you consider that they have already checked "cause the entire sub-prime mortgage crisis" and "plunge the stock market into over 30% loss in a year" off of your to-do list.

My friends (I couldn't help myself), the rabid right is truly reaching into its bag of dastardly tricks here. I mean, when accusations of "pallin' around with terrorists" aren't sticking, and people don't really give a shit if a candidate is Muslim (muslin?) as long as he has some clue of what is going on with the economy, you really have to dig deep to reverse the slide in the polls that your candidate is facing. And thats what brings us to the latest boogeyman of the radical right. Not your typical poor person or welfare queen or lazy minority, no no, its a group of ALL of them put together fighting for their RIGHTS and SOCIAL-ECONOMIC JUSTICE. God forbid!

ECONOMIC PERIL!
By asking the Big Bad Federal Government to step in and force responsible lenders to issue them loans back in 1977, minorities and other poor rabble are responsible for this economic mess we have found ourselves in! Nevermind the mind-bogglingly complex mortgage-backed derivatives and credit-default swaps, ACORN is the modern descendant of this government handout movement that really screwed us!

ELECTION FRAUD!
By mobilizing voter registration drives in record numbers, ACORN has opened the door ballot booth door for Jive Turkeys all around the country. Nevermind that voter registration fraud is not, in fact, voter fraud (there is a step or two in between), these ACORN people are going to deliver the vote to that socialist Obama, and the country will really go down the crapper - presumably farther than it is now.

- end sarcastic rant -

If this formula sounds slightly familiar, you may have been paying attention in history class. Congratulations! If it is less than familiar or you need a refresher after all these years, I'll break it down for you:

The Right is trying to make ACORN and groups like it out to be this nation's very own FIFTH COLUMN. What is a fifth column, you ask? Lets go to the Wiki, which provides a fairly succinct definition:

A fifth column is a group of people who clandestinely undermine a larger group to which it is expected to be loyal, such as a nation.

- and, with my additons -

The term also refers to a subpopulation, such as an ethnic minority (or ACORN and groups like it), which is assumed to have loyalties to countries other than the one in which they reside (they probably live in those anti-America parts of the country), or who support some other nation (anti-America) in war efforts (elections) against the country they live in (the pro-America), the result of dual loyalty (to both pro- and anti-America?).

Here are some historical fifth columns:

Nationalists in Madrid during the Spanish Civil War (original)
Kulaks in Stalinist Russia (purge much?)
Jews in Germany (re: Stab In the Back)

and soon to be added to the list: the vile COMMUNITY ORGANIZERS OF ACORN!!!111



Just you wait for the scapegoating come November 5... its sure to be rich.

distractions, distractions

Just as it seemed that I was getting to be a somewhat consistent blogger, life got in the way and my activity has dropped yet again. I promise, dear readers, that this was but a momentary lapse in blogging vigilance.

But, I do say, that the reason for the distraction was a noble one.

For the past week, I have been attempting to right my television situation (as previously referenced in "antenna debacle" and casually mentioned in other posts). I will come out and say it now, though:

Bust out the "Mission Accomplished" banner and put it on the battleship: the war is over!

Just today, I mastered my mysterious new technology and thus have access to the channels I need. Now I will be able to watch Monday Night Football, just like every other flag-waving, God-fearing, red-meat-eating American (or 'murican, as Tyler correctly pointed out). I will also be able to watch my beloved New York Football Giants more often (but sadly not Real Madrid CF, because GolTV is a money grubbing network) which should be great.

Do not fear, though. I will be sure to not let my added breadth of tv networks distract me from my blogging duties.

Lengthy post tomorrow on the state of things re: election and possibly football.

Pup Buckley

Former writer for conservative weekly National Review, Christopher Buckley, had the following to say regarding his support of Barack Obama:

"I'm putting it all on black, as they say in Vegas..."

In other words, this man is taking my new Obama slogan to heart. He is betting on black!!!

Also, I'm pretty sure that was a fairly racist statement on his part. I'll allow it though.

elite = good

Reading about the speeches that Sarah Palin has been giving in the past few days has really got me thinking about the time tested right wing strategy of decrying "liberal elites" and the "elitism" of Mr. Obama. They would have us believe that we are better off run by lipstick wearing hockey moms and their joe sixpack husbands, because, well, thats who (on average) Americans are. And hey, the whole idea behind democracy is that the majority is always right, right?

Well, I beg to differ. Here are some things to consider in defense of elitism:

1) Remember the Constitution? (also known as W's toilet paper) The framers of the Constitution set up our government with a system of checks and balances that not only checked power across the three branches of government (as commonly known), but also within each branch (less commonly considered). The Senate, with fewer members serving longer terms, was designed to be the more deliberative body of the two, and as such was seen as a place to be insulated from the passions of the mob and the more mob-like House. As such, the Senate was also given additional responsibilities (including the exclusive right to ratify treaties and confirm judicial appointments). Furthermore, the members of the Senate were originally selected by the state legislatures, further insulating them from the whims of the general populace. Again, the framers were on to something. Here we see structured elitism: the more powerful arm of the legislative branch was an elite one. Why? Because the framers only wanted the best of the best, the most able and capable making the big decisions for the country.

2) Joe Six Pack is a Fucking Idiot! I work in a public school. In an average county. I would say it is fairly representative of middle America. Lets call it Joe Six Pack Canning Factory. In the position of quality assurance inspector in this factory, my professional assessment is: THIS COUNTRY IS FUCKED (educationally speaking). Not to say that kids are dumb, it just seems like they don't give a GOD DAMN if they learn or not. They are (honest to God) more worried about who is fighting who at the park and if Lil' Wayne's newest song is "whack" or not. They are disiniterested in science class and could care less about how to write effectively in their native language (or any other for that matter). These are the people that are going to be "responsible adults" in a few years? HOLY SHIT, we are in for a wild ride. If these kids, the same ones that struggle to find the Ukraine on a map or not know that Africa is NOT A COUNTRY, are going to be judging who gets to lead our cities, states, and nation... I'm betting on more of the same culture war crap, assault on reason bullshit we get from a lot of traditional candidates these days. Because if you are too unmotivated to pick up a book and do your homework, good luck actually thinking critically about the shit that the people you vote for (or are too apathetic to vote for) do in your name.

3) Elite != Privileged, for fuck's sake: There is a great difference between these two terms, and I think it strikes to the heart of the "elitist" attack. Most people would see a strong relationship between these two words, that one necessarily implies the other. Not so, I say. Here is an example:

George W. Bush = privileged. Bush did not get good grades in school. Empirical observation would tell us that he wasn't a very good businessman. He hasn't been a great president, either. He is where he is today mainly because he is privileged. His father was the 41st President and his family is incredibly wealthy. Privileged in this sense is having the best in life because of the circumstances you are born in to.

Barack Obama = elite. Obama got very good grades in school (you don't end up being president of Harvard Law Review on accident). Empirical observation wold tell us that he has been fairly successful at most things he has put his mind to. He has risen through the political ranks through a demonstrated ability to convey his message to people and has had legislative success when he hasn't been seeking a higher office. He is where he is today because he is an intellectual and political elite. He came from a supremely modest background (mother on food stamps, raised by grandparents) and has risen to where he is today. Elite in this sense is having natural brilliance and fortitude to make the most of yourself, despite what circumstances you are born into.

In this example, who do you trust? The "elitist" who is where he is today because he is very able and smart or the privileged man who pretty much fell ass-backwards into prominence?


Summary: elitism = not so bad. When it comes down to it, do you want the person who has committed themselves to gaining more knowledge and bettering themselves (the intellectual elite) or joe six pack who really doesn't care to use their brain for anything more than carrying out what their basic impulses command?


Give me the elite any day.

bloviators!

The pundits are drumming up the spin cycle (that Travis Smiley is currently - and nobly - decrying on his PBS show) and the signs are troubling.

Why? Because they are saying how well Obama did! And how he should keep up his lead in light of this performance. And this is disturbing because... Pundits suck! They are paid and make their names by saying something new, yet something they still fits in with the CW. And if there us something I don't buy, it's the CW. It will be interesting to see how this plays out; for some reason I see Obama's lead contracting in the coming 10 days as the media will give some play to
the crazy bullshit that us coming out of Palin's mouth.

new slogan

Forget "Change We Need"... I have a new slogan for the Obama campaign as we enter the final stretch of this marathon election cycle. Borrowed from perhaps the most famous phase uttered by action star turned tax felon Wesley Snipes in the excellent Passenger 57, my slogan is simple:

"Always Bet On Black"

Whether you're at the roulette table, betting on a 100m foot race, or deciding who is going to fix this country from its shambled state, you can't go wrong by betting on black. I know this, the Obama camp knows this, and I feel with the unveiling of this new piece of advertisement, the American people will know this all too soon.

No need to raise several hundred $5 donations, Barry, this one's for free.


Also, if you feel like your knowledge of the aforementioned Snipes film is lacking, here is the teaser (the profound words come in at 0:29 if you want to get right to gold):

drops of gold

I just forked out $60 for 5 ml of Zymar. $12 a ml if you do the math. No wonder this shit has a yellow hue... IT MUST BE GOLD IN SOLUTION.

Fuck. My health plan SUCKS.

I really hope at the end of the treatment I am left with x-ray or laser vision. Thats the only way this little piece of shit bottle could be worth SIXTY FUCKING DOLLARS.