you betta ask somebodayyyyyy

Sven Kramer: if you don't know who he is...

... YOU BETTA ASK SOMEBODAYYYY

... just not Sven, of course.

MAKOUN (47') ME SICK

Folks, I would like to take a moment to introduce you to a serious affliction that has once again reared its ugly head and affected the lives of so many with its terrible symptoms.

RMISS affects this writer and many others around the world. It is a crippling disease that can lead to chest pains, nausea, hyperventilation, compulsive shouting, and various other wellness-reducing symptoms. RMISS is a highly seasonal illness, it grows in frequency in mid-February, reaching a peak in early-March, and typically runs its course no later than early April.

Its a devastating, horrible condition, and there is no known cure.

I have RMISS. I have struggled with it for 5 years, and only now am I coming to grips with this fact.

Yesterday, I had my first Real Madrid Induced Stress Syndrome outbreak of the year. This man was the catalyst:

Makoun (left) scored an absolute wonderstrike in the 47th minute for the winning goal.

Madrid's chances in the Round of 16 took a substantial hit when they were unable to net an away goal at Lyon yesterday. They fell 1-0, leaving them in the sticky situation whereby they must score two goals at home and surrender none to win.

This disappointment, sadly, was not quite unexpected. Despite paying over $200 million in transfer fees for a return to the Galacticos method of team building, they were unable to overcome the demons of Champions League past. Madrid have failed to advance past the Round of 16 since 2004, during Galacticos I. Whether in league-winning form, as was the case in 2007 and 2008, or runner-up form, they have not been able to translate domestic strength into European power. They seem to shrivel in the limelight, causing me and other Madridistas great angst in the form of RMISS.

This particular game was disconcerting beyond its ultimate result, though. While the 1-0 result presents a hurdle to overcome in the home leg, the way that the team earned this loss was far more troubling. Kaka, Ronaldo, and Alonso - galacticos and former Champions League winners in the past - seemed to lack any sort of coherent form of attack. Alonso seemed frustrated that he could not provide the service from the defensive third to the middle third of the field while alos looking shaky in regulaing the Lyon attack. Kaka was VISIBLY frustrated with the service he was getting from the deep midfield, shouting for the ball and seeming frustrated for the majority of the game. Ronaldo looked lost at times: while he was probably giving some of his hardest effort of the season, he crippled the Madrid attack at times by attempting ball tricks that were completely inappropriate in the given situation.

But why were these otherwise clutch CL performers made to look stunningly average in yesterday's game? I think there are a few reasons. Firstly, Lyon seemed DETERMINED to not surrender an away goal. That airtight defense was a critical part of their gameplan, for they knew just like everyone watching that surrundering such a goal would deal an almost deadly blow to their chances of advancing past the Whites. Another reason for the lackluster performance could have also come from the fact that the team is still gelling togther, and being tested by a new form of play from the French side constipated their normal game flow. My most worrying reason, though, is that they collectively (6 new acquisitions started, 2 subbed, 4 total Galacticos) felt almost unbearable pressure to perform in this one game. They all know that they were brought in to replace players who could not get it done in the Champions League. To make a baseball reference, with all of these high-priced, high-profile acquisitions, Madrid started half a team of A-Rods. Until this season, A-Rod was known as a regular season performer, a post-season chump. The CL is much like the European soccer equivalent of the post season. They all individually feel a great amount of pressure, and because the nature of the game this effect can compound itself all over the field. Doing too much, forcing passes, forgetting team play all can happen when players feel that they themselves must make the difference to win the game.

Is this most recent disappointment a ringing repudiation of the Galacticos policy? Not necessarily. If Madrid can score 2 and pitch a shutout at home, which is entirely possible, this loss will have merely been a speed bump on the road to the Round of 8. Should they play well and somehow manage to not make it through, one could reasonably say that they need one more season to gel to make a good run. It will be a whole different story, though, if this assembled group cannot in several seasons time give Madrid fans a cure for RMISS. The fan base cannot stomach many more season of its pain.

THE CHAMPIONS

We are in the 3rd week of February, and we all know what that means...

... the glorious return of the CHAMPIONS LEAGUE ROUND OF 16.  Cue song.  Ah, thats the stuff.  And they say that February is the black hole of sports.  Pshaw!

Just like last year I am offering up some BOLD and BOMBASTIC predictions, which are up for everyone's scrutiny and/or potential lols.  This week we are treated to some truly grand matchups, with yet another meeting of AC Milan and Man U (where maybe we can see a repeat of something like this) and Real visiting Lyon, a team they have historically struggled with in Champions League play.  But enough with prologue and on to the picking!

Tuesday, 16 February 2:45 EST:

AC Milan vs. Manchester United [O/U 2.5 +130 -165] - In a battle of teams which were relieved of their top stars by Real over the summer, we have a rematch of what was an epic semifinal tie back in 2007.  In that last encounter, Milan put a finger in the eye of those who would claim the Premiership to have the best brand of football in Europe by thoroughly decimating Man U 5-1 on aggregate.  Milan won their home leg 3-0 back then, but don't look for them to repeat the feat this time around.  They did well in qualifying out of their tough group (beating and drawing eventual group winners Real) and are currently sitting in 3rd in Serie A.  While Man U have lost some of last season's luster, currently second to Chelsea in the Premiership and not exactly coming out smelling like roses from their easy as pie qualifying group.  I think this will be a chippy, fairly even affair, and I feel comfortable with the under in this one:

Prediction: AC Milan 1 - 1 Man U 

Olympique Lyonnais vs. Real Madrid (-.5) [O/U 2.5 even -130] - Lyon have dominated Real in the recent past in Champions League play - they were paired in the group stage in 2005/06 and 2006/07, where Lyon amassed an 8-3 aggregate score over 2 years.  Real has undergone quite a bit of a transformation since then, they aren't even the same side that was dominated by Liverpool in the Round of 16 last year.  They have started to hit their stride in La Liga, winning 4 games on the trot, and progressed with top billing out of their tricky qualifying group.  Aside from their shaky record against Lyon, history is also not on Real's side.  Progressing past the Round of 16 has proved to be mission impossible for Real, having failed to do so since 2004.  Lyon will prove to be a formidable foe in this first leg, but I feel that they will be overmatched in this encounter:

Prediction: Lyon 0 - 1 Real Madrid 

Wednesday, 17 February 2:45 EST:

FC Bayern Munich (-1) vs. AC Fiorentina [O/U 2.5 -130 even] - Bayern appear to be favorites in what should actually be a pretty tasty matchup on Wednesday.  Despite being runners-up in their group, Bayern will likely play strong at home, where they have amassed an 8-4-0 record with an average of 2.08 goals per game.  Fiorentina put together a rather impressive qualifying campaign, where they had a +9 goal differential and and a 5-0-1 record in a group that included quality sides Lyon and Liverpool.  Fiorentina's domestic record has been less than stellar; they currently sit in 11th position, where they are just as close to Serie B as they are to a Europa League place.  So the question for the Gigliati is, which team will show this week under the bright lights of European competition?  I think the match will be closely fought, but I see Munich coming out on top with a comfortable lead going into the second leg:

Prediction: Bayern 2 - 0 Fiorentina

FC Porto vs. Arsenal [O/U 2.5 +125 -160] - The Gunners head into this encounter as slight favorites, which is fitting given their rather indifferent European campaign to this point.  They qualified with top billing in their group, a dubious achievement given that the group included the likes of Standard Liege and AZ Alkmaar.  Their away record in the group stage also gives me pause, as they have conceded as many goals as they have scored on the road (4).  They are clearly more comfortable at the Emirates, so this away match could prove difficult for them.  Two-time European Champions Porto should give Arsenal all they can handle.  While they currently sit at 3rd in Portugal, they have had a good run of form in Europe of late, giving eventual finalists Man U a run for their money last year and managing a +5 goal difference in the group stage this year.  I see them playing this one tight at the Dragao, leaving all to play for in the second leg:

Prediction: FC Porto 1 - 0 Arsenal

Looking forward to the start of the best tournament held in February/March/April in the WORLD (sorry college bball fans).

Also, how exciting is it that the final will be held on a SATURDAY on NETWORK TV? Watch out Super Bowl, the Champions League is ready to zap ya!!!

weekend whimsy, pontification with pictures!

When I last posted, I mused about the coming snowpocalypse that was about the descend on Virginia. Due to the massive amount of snow that eventually came, in two parts no less, I found myself without the right schedule to maintain blogitude. Consider this a Tuesday Museday on a snow induced two-hour delay of sorts.

Being snowed in for a week and a half gives one lots of time for a) doing leisurely indoor things, and b) forming opinions on said leisures and other matters of the day. I will share accordingly.

SNOW DAYS out the wazoo! Six-point-five (6.5) consecutive days out from school! That is fucking wild! Not since the halcyon days of junior year of high school have we seen such an ourpouring of love from local school superintendents. While I thoroughly enjoyed the first couple off from work, towards the end of the week I was beginning to feel quite shiftless what with the hours on end of playing FIFA (more on this later) and the waking up at all hours of the later morning. When the only thing you have getting you up in the morning is the prospect of catching your favorite morning radio show, you are kind of trifling.

The picture at right is an illustration of why school was canceled for the whole week in many parts of Northern Virginia. Beyond that pink line is Arlington County. Note the clean and navigable nature of the road in the distance. Then look to the foreground. That same road is on the Fairfax County side of the line. Note how the asphalt is barely visible. Now imagine the Fairfax County road, with about an inch more of frozen water stuff and more mud, and that was the condition of the roads where I live. Localities shitting the bed all over the place in terms of road clearance. Except for Arlington, which I have long contended is one of the finest counties in the Old Dominion. All bow to the emancipated Virginia portion of the District of Columbia!

I GROK this book is a very worthwhile read. I thoroughly enjoyed Stranger in a Strange Land, a book that I had never heard of nor knew anything about before a friend recommended it to me a couple months ago. I am ashamed that I, a nerd, did not know of such an epic Sci Fi book. I could have read well beyond the 360+ pages that Heinlein provides: I eagerly devoured the book in a matter of days and at the end was left wanting more of the story. Perhaps one of the more interesting parts of the book was trying to understand the projection for the state of technology from Heinlein's 1960s perspective. Apparently newspapers are still extant in the space-traveling future, and grass is considered a premium rug. Who knew?







I GOT INTO weeds over this little impromptu winter break. While it wasn't ont hte top of my queue of must see shows (It's Always Sunny and Arrested Development, I promise to get to thee!), it was on Netflix instant streaming, so I blazed (no pun intended) through the first two seasons. While I found the show generally enjoyable, what with the milk-white attractiveness of Mary-Louise Parker (see left) and the occasional sex scene, I found myself growing tired of the predictable actions of the characters at times. Silas can be counted on to be ever the teenage douche, the little kid is unfailingly freakish, and the brother-in-law is almost too ridiculous to be believed. Another thing that annoys me is how each episode in the second season has its own version of the intro song. I am really not sure what to make of that from a stylistic aspect, since no really awesome shows that I have ever followed have done such a thing. Kevin Nolan is perfectly cast in his role, though, and somehow his ludicrous character is one of the more believable and likeable of the bunch.



NO CREDIT TO NBC's coverage of the Vancouver Games, right from the start. We aren't going to talk about the hundreds of millions that the family of networks is going to lose on the broadcast of these games, that displayed some small measure of bad judgement on the part of the bigwigs at NBC. What was truly horrid, though, was their repeated airing of the tragic luge accident that claimed the life of Georgian luger Nodar Kumaritashvili. The violent high speed crash was shown numerous times during the coverage in the lead-up to the opening ceremonies. I really don't understand their thought process in green-lighting this video for a news/sports broadcast that many families would be watching. In the scheme of terrible things that TV/Internet has brought me in the way of shocking videos, this wasn't so bad, but the fact that there were probably little kids that were tuned in makes their decision to air quite disappointing. Also, no credit to HuffPo for posting some really horrid pictures of the accident scene. Nothing like scrolling through a page to find some pics of a guy losing his life. Thanks Arianna!


FIFA FAILS ME in a major, major way. Over the break I had made quite a bit of progress in my manager mode; Zinedine Zidane had lead Madrid to it second consecutive Treble and everything seemed fine and dandy. I had big plans going into my 4th season. BIG PLANS. But these, alas, went up in smoke when I loaded up my save file to find that from the very start of sesaon 4, my team was 2.14 BILLION dollars in DEBT. I had not bought any ridiculously expensive players (rare for Madrid, I know), nor had I splashed out on any upgrades (my staff were all already at level 10). Perplexed, I turned to Google for answers. To my simultaneous comfort and dismay I found that a) I was not alone, that this is a common glitch, but b) there is no fix for this problem. Sigh. There goes 3 months of gaming out the window. Thanks EA!


DOMINO'S "NEW" PIZZA blows. The sauce is the same, the cheese hasn't changed, and the only noticable difference - the crust - is a terrible abomination. In their attempt to add flavor to their already decent recipe, the geniuses at Domino's decided to load up the crust with obscene amounts of garlic. While there is a good amount of taste added, makes the pizza super-rich, and thus each small sized piece becomes kind of like superdense pizza matter in your stomach. Not pleasant. The load of garlic also makes the boxes something akin to radioactively smelly, in that they cannot be kept in a closed space unless one wants to create a vampire-proof panic room. Please go back to unoffensive, normal-flavored filler pizza, Domino's. Please and thank you!

Alright, there are more Events to be watched tonight, enough with this bloggery for the evening. Back later with some movie thoughts.

tuesday museday

Aloha and hello! Today's muse is brought to you by the letter W. And no, not that really terrible one.


W is for Win: So my pledges today circulated a link to this site: http://animalinyou.com/ Essentially its one of those really dumb personality tests, in the vein of those that would tell you what house you would be a member of in Harry Potter or what sports team fits your personality. I only mention this one because it gave me a most satisfactory answer. It pronounced me a bear. In case you didn't know, bears are FUCKING AWESOME. They are ferocious, yet can be great friends to humans. In all of their forms, from cute to terrifying, bears are the shit.







W is for Winter: FUCK YOU GROUNDHOG! How dare you fail to see your shadow?! Its probably right there, in front of you! Dickhead. We are all doomed now, so thanks a lot. Also, this event is not nearly as fun or funny as it was portrayed in that hilarious Bill Murray movie. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that we are relegated to six more weeks of this nonsense bullshit "winter" thing. I want to see the sun! I want to not fear slipping and dying on ice. I would also like for my car not to look like it has a permanent salt bukkake, for fuck's sake. Who interprets these results? I bet that smug looking bastard behind you has a large stake in sun lamp and blanket industries, directly profiting from this (perceived, at least) extension of the worst season.

W is for Weather: Its snowing right now. It snowed this weekend. Its supposed to snow again this upcoming weekend. Apparently this weekend storm is supposed to be big. To summarize my thoughts on the matter, I have created this little infographic:
For reference, that blob that covers most of Virginia is brown. In this particular model, brown represents the range between 18 and 20 inches. Of snow.

W is for Wuss: As in the Virginia "Democrats" who voted along with all 18 Republican Senators in the State Senate to render illegal any mandates for insurance coverage. Now while I am not too crazy about a mandate, if it means that more people will get better insurance, I like that idea. Way to carry water (another w-word!) for the whole Health Care Reform initiative. Jackasses. No visits to the White House (w alert!) for you!

no tuesday museday, wednesday rants?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, so the Tuesday Museday never happened, whatevs. Wednesday Rants are SO much better.

Also, today was much more newsworthy, what with the two speeches that will mark the day in history for ALL TIME.

A review of the first, a liveblog (of sorts) of the second.

1) Steve Jobs announces the... iPad.

...

Firstly, what the fuck kind of name is iPad? Its menstrual overtones aside, it just seems too close to iPod for my liking, and really is it a Pad? A Slate I will believe, a Tablet sure, but a Pad? A Pad is something I take casual notes or doodles on. Read eBooks, listen to music, watch videos, make presentations, etc... I am not so sure. So the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly about the iPad:

The Good:

- Interface: from what I have seen, the way a user interacts with the iPad seems pretty cool. Being able to flick and drag pictures in iPhoto looks like a lot of fun. It also strikes me as an intuitive way to work with pictures. The same can be said for what I saw from Keynote for iPad... if my work necessitated using such a device to create presentations, I would gladly work for hours on it.

- Battery life: good god, 10 hours!?! Thats freaking awesome.

- Promise: I see this iPad being able to do a lot of things in the future. A LOT of things. It seems kind of unwieldy now (what with the dongles and all), but I think the concept holds a lot of promise for the future of gaming, for computing, and for media consumption. More on this later....

The Bad:

- Inputs/outputs: sweet baby Jesus... the dongles! What the hell is going on with these dongles? Since when is the uber design-conscious Apple in the market of selling us devices that need so many god damn DONGLES! When you need a dongle for a USB cable... YOU'RE NOT KABLAMMO.

- Six (6) price points?!/! wtf is that, Apple? That seems like QUITE the M$ maneuver. I thought one of the features of Apple's sales strategy was that there are few options, that the consumer merely had to pick an Apple product based on their specific needs and go with it.

The Ugly:

- The design I mentioned earlier, the fact that the machine looks somewhat strange (infinite bevel, what's with that Apple?), is somewhat un-Apple. I doubt that the machine was rushed per se, but I think that a lot more could have been done to make the design more aesthetically pleasing.

- Home button, really?

- NO MULTITASKING. WHAT. THE. FUCK.

...more on iPad later, when I have had more time to digest it all and read more about the tech specs.

----

2) President Obama's 1st SOTU.

Alright, here is where Obama either starts the trend towards being the next Reagan or the next Carter. My thoughts, as they come to me, with no timestamp or attention to grammar:

- Pelosi is looking particular skeleton-y tonight. Hot.

- I HATE ERIC CANTOR, WHAT A DOUCHE.

- Obama is cracking joke(s). More than one? Hmm, I liked the one asking for applause from the Repubs re: tax cuts. Nice.

- JOBS. Where are the JOBS?! A jobs bill? Didn't we already try that?

- Small business help, eh? Thought the elephant brigade would like that? No? Just big businesses these days? Cool.

- FUCK YOU ERIC CANTOR! I bet he is giving an h-job to Boehner on the sly. GO DIE.

- More smiles.

- Jobs bill on the desk without delay? Just like the health care bill? ORLY

- How long should America put its future on hold. Love it!

- FUCK YEAH AMERICA 1st PLACE FTW.

- Don't want to punish banks? I think we should consider that one, they seem like they need some punishing. REEEEAAALLL REFORM, we gotta get it right.

- Disagree with overwhelming scientific evidence of climate change - cold icy stare towards repubs - joe biden laughs in the background. I laugh in the background.

- What are we going to export? Our sadness? I am pretty sure exporting requires things to be made here, which we don't do anymore.

- All this talk about trade... you are starting to lose me here Barry...

- Oh, education, thats good. Race to the Top? World class education! Yeah! Buzzwords.

- COMMUNITY COLLEGES YEEAAASSSS. Revitalize those guys, plz. And end FFEL, sure that sounds good. 10k tax credit for 4 years of college? Sexy.

- Joe Biden, professional train man, knows something of these "middle-class" people we hear so much about.

- ugh, health insurance reform... did we have to bring that up? kind of a blight on the congress as of late.

- MORE LOLS. Healthcare LOLS. So funny?

- NO MORE FATS, thats what I have been waiting for! backyard gardens for all!

- AGAIN WITH THE LOLS.

- enough with the healthcare already - what?

- did you hear that? if you have better ideas, let him KNOW. So lets start all over again, or something.

- ooo, forceful hand motions. very good.

- WHAAA NBC END THAT OVERHEAD VIEW. NOW.

- womp wonk wont, deficits...

- the CONRAD-GREGG abortion?! really? we are talking about that thing? horrible.

- "thats how budgeting works"... SNARKITUDE. thats something even I know how to do!

- and more snark. comical. I kind of want a snack right now.

- this SOTU has to have set the record for JOKES and JOKES. Man this guy is funny.

- yikes, poor RBG, she doesn't look so hot right now.

- earmark some reform, why not?

- confirm my appointments, YOU ASSFUCKS. Why hasn't he straight up javelin-ed some repubs right now.

- Mitch McConnell needs this thing. Badly.

- has Napolitano made out with Reno yet?

- ugh, Iraq is SO 2000-late. Good thing its coming to an end? Soon? Maybe?

- show me more Jill Biden. She is a FOX.

- JFK and REAGAN? My god man, you could have the best hair of any president, ever.

- zooooooonnnnning out.

- and still, disinterested. is there a pit orchestra that can start playing?

- WOMEN AND GAYS?! come on, this is rose garden speech material at best. jk, love both of those groups.

- haha, i promised some change* (*change not actually guaranteed)

- ... no more jokes now. just Serious America Talk. good?

- ok.... wrap it up please.

/end.

PS - Geithner stiffarm. lol.

um, rex...

I think google ads are trying to tell you something...