microsoft ads

Before I proceed:

:: BIAS DISCLAIMER ::

I have made clear my support of Apple before, but I do not write the following article from any perspective other than that of an amused observer of a foundering (and wildly expensive) ad campaign.

End disclaimer.
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I was watching the last rerun of the Office Thursday night when I was treated to a true commercial masterpiece: the new Microsoft ads, herein referred to as the "I'm a PC" ads. They are so called because they feature an array of famous people proclaiming their status as PCs - presumably meaning that they are PC users and not horrifyingly realistic cyborgs created my Microsoft to brainwash us all... but I digress. The main thrust of this ad, from what I can tell, is to rebut the claim made by Apple in its "PC versus Mac" commercials that PCs aren't hip and cool, a claim made byt he juxtaposition between the cool (condescending?) Mac Guy (a reference to Apple founder and CEO Steve Jobs) and the hapless, nerdy PC Guy (an obvious and apparently irksome reference to Microsoft founder Bill Gates).

This "I'm a PC" ad is just the latest in a series of ads trying to rebrand Microsoft as just as awesome as Apple... the only problem being that the entire campaign has been waged in a very Microsoft (and hence uncool and plodding) way. This $300 MILLION effort has fallen largely flat so far, and has been supremely entertaining to watch as a Mac fan, mainly because it has only served to reaffim my distaste for the Redmond crowd.

Set #1: The Mojave Experiment. These ads show the results of a "field test" that Microsoft ran with 140 participants in the aim of disproving the bad rap that Vista has had since its release two years ago. The premise is that these users were told they were running a new operating system called "Mojave" when in fact they were running a Vista on max-ed out systems (high end graphics cards, loads of RAM, etc). The result? These users LOVED the system (satisfaction rating of 8.5 versus a control rating of 4.4) and were SHOCKED when they were told they had been running Vista all along. The point? Apparently the only reason customers have been dissatisfied with Vista is THEIR OWN IGNORANCE!!!111 Microsoft would like customers to believe that their product isn't shitty and cumbersome to most of the computers that run it, but rather that the average user is gullible and has too readily bought into the CW about Vista (that it is shitty and cumbersome). WHAT A RELIEF! Sounds almost like Phill Gramm (perhaps the leading candidate for Donkey of the Decade) was behind these stinkers. Oh, and for those of you who forgot, he is the McCain advisor that earlier this summer said that this country was full of whiners and that the only recession we are going through is a "mental" one. Remind yourself of that when you are checking into your 401k, if it still exists.

Set #2: The Ads About Nothing. These ads, featuring Bill Gates and comic genius Jerry Seinfeld, were aimed at touting... no, demonstrating the capabil... no, hell I don't know what they were trying to show and I don't think most viewers could figure that out either. The two that have run so far (there is supposedly a third one out there, but it is not planned to hit airwaves) have featured Gates and Seinfeld in "real people" locations doing "real people" things. I guess the idea behind these ads was to demonstrate that, despite his billions, Gates still likes to save on shoes? These ads were truly Seinfeldian in the sense that they were about nothing, and really didn't try to sell the viewer anything. In that respect I think they were a success. Unfortunately for Microsoft, that was the only realm in which they succeeded. If I was anything like the average viewer, I got two things out of the ad: 1) a fresh look at some Seinfeld humor and 2) the chance to laugh at an aimless ad campaign from M$. Thanks, Billy boy, for keeping my homeboy Jerry rich (he was paid $10 mil for the spots) and me laughing at your company!

Set #3: The Aforementioned "I'm A PC" Ads. On the face of it, these ads may seem like they are doing the job they were intended to do (unlike the Seinfeld ones) and giving the viewer some credit (unlike the insulting Mojave ones). The problem with these ads, though? As Prince McLean puts it in his recent article:

"Apple presents the Mac in contrast to PC because it wants to avoid any unnecessary mention of Windows. By copying Apple's line, Microsoft will be spending millions to advertise the PC rather than the Windows brand.

Further, as PC companies such as Dell and Acer continue to seek new ways to use Linux in place of Windows, and as the top PC vendor HP begins its own efforts to create a Windows alternative ... the idea of advertising 'the PC' [does] even less for Microsoft."

I loled at you, Microsoft. Just stick with what you know and don't try to "be cool". Most people use you for uncool things at work and school, and thats ok. Just take your ~90% market share and be happy! You have your monopoly and most people would be content with that. So sit back, relax, and leave the commercials to the fine folks in Cupertino.



PS - Interestingly enough, the "I'm a PC" ads were apparently made on, you guessed it, a Mac!

predictive powers

As it turns out, having NO internet access at home will do a lot to hinder one's ability to update a blog. That being said, I think I have worked out a system (read: found a place secret nearby with free interwebs) that will allow me to update pretty much every day. Its not that I haven't had ideas for blogging, its just that I haven't had the chance to get to internet to share them.

But a few updates before I get to the main point of this post:
1) I now have TV. Phase 1 of my master Satellite TV plan is complete.
2) I have begun to listen to the "Southern Light Gospel Network" radio station. Not because I have turned a new leaf, but because I am a cynical bastard and like to hear what these "values voters" have to say sometimes.
3) I have rediscovered the glory of the Lean Mean Fat Burning Machine (otherwise known as a George Foreman Grill)

And now back to your regularly scheduled programming:

I would like to point out to everyone my amazing predictive powers. Last week, there was a lot of hand-wringing and chicken-little-ing coming from a lot of Obama supporters. If you can remember that far back (before this nation's economy took a long walk off a short, poorly constructed pier) all signs pointed to the "genius" of the Palin pick and how soaring McCain's numbers were due to his "maverick" seclection of the Alaskan governor. I was beginning to get a little hot under the collar myself, but then took a step back and remembered what I had thought the instant I heard that Palin was goingto be McCain's running mate: holy shit, what a pick, she must be the least qualified veep selection since Spiro Agnew... this is gold! I then wrote the following passage in an email to a friend the morning of Wednesday 10 September:

"I am sure you are well aware of the seemingly boundless "Palin bounce" that is going on right now, with McCain experiencing boosts in all the major polls and especially among the white middle age women bracket. From what I have read on most of the sites these days (this is what I do when kids fall asleep in class instead of responding to my summons), it seems like the netroots are getting hot under the collar regarding this situation. I really don't think they should (at least thats what I tell myself when I begin to worry), for a few reasons. First, I know the media is definitely doing its part (ie: lipstick on a pig flap) to fan the flames being ignighted by the McCain campaign. It seems that they are all too happy to harp on any little thing that comes there way that feeds into the McCain-Palin bounce narrative that seems to be the order of the week for the news cycle. Secondly, the Obama campaign (while being far from perfect) has done a good job so far in weathering all storms that have come its way (remember that time Obama was linked to a certain radical pastor? who talks about that anymore?) and come out of everything pretty much on top. I am sure that the next week's narrative will have something to do with the outright dishonest and dishonorable nature of a lot of the ads that the McCain campaign is running (that sex-ed one comes to mind) and the flaws in the Palin selection (which after some initial doubts has been hailed as a great success from what I have read)."

There you have it, ladies and gents, the media is so predictable that this lowly college advisor could figure out what would play out in the coming week: a shift in narrative, new portents of an Obama surge, and Palin coming under even more scrutiny.

As for another prediction, I don't think I want to press my luck... BUT I do like to gamble, so I am going to go out on a limb:

Prediction: Next week will be another rough one for McCain, as his "fundamentals" comment gets more and more play, and possibly his bizarre interview coupled with Chuck Hagel's comments about Palin will play well into the developing narrative that McCain's numbers are following the Dow's southward plunge. Look for this to feed nicely into the story that McCain will "do better than expected" in next Friday's debate.


Lets watch how this works.