I got a call the other night from my brother (the very one I am writing a best man speech for) asking me to make a slideshow for him and his all-too-soon-to-be wife to be shown during the reception after the wedding. This will be the second wedding-related slideshow for me in as many weeks. Previous to this time in my 22 years of life, I have never been asked to make any sort of creative thing ever.
Why?
Because most people who know me will say that I am pretty much a dullard at making creative, artsy things. Of any sort. I nearly failed art class every year in elementary school, have never been able to fold origami, and the closest thing to a drawing I can usually muster is a funny-because-its-so-terrible stick figure scene. I really can't say that I have ever had any sliver of success at any time in my life when it comes to making visually appealing things of any size, shape, or style. My parents never had my artwork on the fridge... my doodles in notebooks were usually hard long division problems... I struggle to color inside of the lines.
I suck.
So why ask me to make something pretty, something that requires an artistic eye and a flair for the creative? I think its a simple matter of pigeonholing, I've been stereotyped. Is it due to my race, my color, my creed? No. Its because of my choice in computer. I've become a "mac guy".
Apparently owning a mac makes you some kind of creative wizard - after all, why would you get such a machine if you weren't on it to make movies, highbrow digital art, or (evidently) sweet slideshows in iMovie? This is indeed an unfortunate stereotype, because I am no mac guy. Its true, I do enjoy my computer a lot, but not because I am some kind of creative genius. No - I just like it because the OS is really sweet and stable, it has some neat design features, and looks pretty good to boot.
My clients may have made a perilous choice in trusting this art class failure to make something creative. Serves them right for stereotyping.
Not to say that stereotypes can't be useful or hilarious. One only need to think of this fellow to know that.
Euro 2008 match prediction success rate: 62.5% (fucking Greeks let me down, but at least the Spanish were dominant... ole!)
11 June 2008
09 June 2008
best man
As some of you may know, my brother asked me to be one of the best men at his wedding this summer. Having never been to a wedding before, I found this to be a curious selection, but I didn't hesitate as I felt that it could be a great time considering I think he is a pretty cool guy and his fiancee is just wonderful. Besides, weddings are pretty jubilant affairs - or so I hear - and I am not one to turn down an open bar.
The one catch of course, is the best man toast. As one British writer said: "delivering the best man speech is like kissing the Queen Mother, its a great honour, but nobody wants to do it!" My sentiments exactly. Its not that I get nervous talking in front of big crowds, its just that the subject matter is pretty awkward to deal with. For two to three minutes, I have to wax poetic about lovey dovey shit re: my brother and his now-wife when we have maybe had a serious conversation about twice in our lives.
But the show must go on, so I am writing the speech right now, and it seems decent. Not good, not fork in the eye awful, but passable. I think it will get me out of the situation having done my duty, hopefully getting a few laughs and avoiding any embarrassing slipups or inopportune voice cracks. (I really hope my vocal cords have gotten that out of their system.) Ideally, it will pass by and before I know it I will be drinking a (numerous?) delicious jack+cokes with the rest of the groomsmen and bridal party. And then dancing up a storm in an attempt to seriously embarrass my brother. And then passing out and preparing for my epic journey back to Virginia on Sunday. More on that later.
But enough of that, here is some stuff on today's Euro action:
France 0 - 0 Romania
- more painful to watch than public access, elementary school children-produced television.
+ there is a dude named RAT on Romania.
Netherlands 3 - 0 Italy
- decidedly not what I predicted for the day... I'm sorry I assumed that the Italian National Team would show up and not the Fanculo Miss Nancy Squad.
+ Sneijder, the clutch Dutch Delight!
Euro 2008 match prediction success rate: 66.6% (took a hit as expected, but hopefully there will be recovery with the debut of LA FURIA ROJA!!!)
The one catch of course, is the best man toast. As one British writer said: "delivering the best man speech is like kissing the Queen Mother, its a great honour, but nobody wants to do it!" My sentiments exactly. Its not that I get nervous talking in front of big crowds, its just that the subject matter is pretty awkward to deal with. For two to three minutes, I have to wax poetic about lovey dovey shit re: my brother and his now-wife when we have maybe had a serious conversation about twice in our lives.
But the show must go on, so I am writing the speech right now, and it seems decent. Not good, not fork in the eye awful, but passable. I think it will get me out of the situation having done my duty, hopefully getting a few laughs and avoiding any embarrassing slipups or inopportune voice cracks. (I really hope my vocal cords have gotten that out of their system.) Ideally, it will pass by and before I know it I will be drinking a (numerous?) delicious jack+cokes with the rest of the groomsmen and bridal party. And then dancing up a storm in an attempt to seriously embarrass my brother. And then passing out and preparing for my epic journey back to Virginia on Sunday. More on that later.
But enough of that, here is some stuff on today's Euro action:
France 0 - 0 Romania
- more painful to watch than public access, elementary school children-produced television.
+ there is a dude named RAT on Romania.
Netherlands 3 - 0 Italy
- decidedly not what I predicted for the day... I'm sorry I assumed that the Italian National Team would show up and not the Fanculo Miss Nancy Squad.
+ Sneijder, the clutch Dutch Delight!
Euro 2008 match prediction success rate: 66.6% (took a hit as expected, but hopefully there will be recovery with the debut of LA FURIA ROJA!!!)
08 June 2008
usa - argentina
Sorry for all of the soccer posts as of late, but with the Euros going on and really not that much else taking place in my life, there really isn't much else to talk about.
Sadly, I wasn't able to enjoy today's Euro '08 as much as I would have liked due to a combination of shambolic transmission from my best friends at Comcast and me wasting a lot of time showing my computer illiterate cousin how to burn dvds from his girlfriend's laptop. I am ok with people being computer illiterate (if you are over 40), but what really irks me is when people fill up their generic PC computing box with a lot of generic bullshit spyware nonsense (those stupid search engine bars in IE and animated cursors, terrible). So helping involves a number of hurdles, such as overcoming the fact that your cursor is actually a fucking "I <3 NY" icon and you have filled up your hard drive with adware doodoo. Nice.
But I digress.
Highlight of the day was definitely the USA-Argentina match that I was able to watch without illiterate interruption. Here are some of the things that I liked (+) and didn't like (-) about the match:
+ Gago and Dempsey getting pissy with each other and trading words and fouls in the first half.
+ Eddie Johnson apparently yanking Mascherano's johnson in the second half... much to Javier's chagrin.
- the fact that Argentina continue to be one of the more hideous national sides in the world. Its almost as if they outcrossed Carles Puyol and a thawed Neanderthal to produce the team. (Reference exhibits A, B, and C.)
- refereeing worthy of UVA IMs instead of a FIFA governed international friendly. Who in their right mind could confuse Edu and Mastroeni?
- lackluster American commentary... Aguero plays in the Spanish Primera Liga, or La Liga, not "the Spanish League", that league does not exist. Thanks.
+ a gritty, impressive showing from the Americans (Man of the Match is Tim Howard for me) against a solid Argentina side.
Euro 2008 match prediction success rate: 100% (4 for 4... look for this to take a hit with tomorrow's group of death matches)
Sadly, I wasn't able to enjoy today's Euro '08 as much as I would have liked due to a combination of shambolic transmission from my best friends at Comcast and me wasting a lot of time showing my computer illiterate cousin how to burn dvds from his girlfriend's laptop. I am ok with people being computer illiterate (if you are over 40), but what really irks me is when people fill up their generic PC computing box with a lot of generic bullshit spyware nonsense (those stupid search engine bars in IE and animated cursors, terrible). So helping involves a number of hurdles, such as overcoming the fact that your cursor is actually a fucking "I <3 NY" icon and you have filled up your hard drive with adware doodoo. Nice.
But I digress.
Highlight of the day was definitely the USA-Argentina match that I was able to watch without illiterate interruption. Here are some of the things that I liked (+) and didn't like (-) about the match:
+ Gago and Dempsey getting pissy with each other and trading words and fouls in the first half.
+ Eddie Johnson apparently yanking Mascherano's johnson in the second half... much to Javier's chagrin.
- the fact that Argentina continue to be one of the more hideous national sides in the world. Its almost as if they outcrossed Carles Puyol and a thawed Neanderthal to produce the team. (Reference exhibits A, B, and C.)
- refereeing worthy of UVA IMs instead of a FIFA governed international friendly. Who in their right mind could confuse Edu and Mastroeni?
- lackluster American commentary... Aguero plays in the Spanish Primera Liga, or La Liga, not "the Spanish League", that league does not exist. Thanks.
+ a gritty, impressive showing from the Americans (Man of the Match is Tim Howard for me) against a solid Argentina side.
Euro 2008 match prediction success rate: 100% (4 for 4... look for this to take a hit with tomorrow's group of death matches)
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