weekend in preview

... and cue weekend!

Sport: Ah yes, the return of the New York Football Giants off of the bye week. Will they get off the schnide and get a win after going 0-4 for their past four games? They face an Atlanta team who also come into match at 5-4, also searching to break a bit out of a bit of a funk. Who will rid themselves of the stench of defeat and who will dive fully into the doo doo pit of a 5-5 record? The objective/pessimistic New York sports fan in me wants to say that it will be the Giants taking the poop bath this weekend, so don't expect great things from Eli's Band of Merry (G-)Men. I am pretty sure I could play safety for them at this point, so I kind of expect Matty Ice (does he know that his nickname reminds thousands of people of really shitty beer they drank in college?) to tear the defense a new one. In other, non-handegg news, my soccer men of Madrid are taking on Racing Santander this weekend in a tune-up match for El Clasico, which takes place next week. Racing are pretty terrible about this time of the year, standing at the mighty 17 spot in the table going into the match, so I expect Madrid to win. But will they win with anything resembling grace, style, and team play? Of course not. Will they win next week at Barcelona? Of course not. Will this guy be the coach come Monday, November 30? Of course not. Looks like Madrid are in for The Gene Hackman, professional Uzbekistan coach man!

Cinema: Alright, we all know that New Moon opens in a matter of hours. I will not pretend to notice or care beyond that simple acknowledgement because, well I don't care to notice or care for it. We all know that vampire-based cinema peaked with Interview with the Vampire, a movie featuring then-sane Tom Cruise, then-relatively-childless Brad Pitt, and a then-young Kirsten Dunst. It was fantastic! Anyways, back to the modern day. Is it terrible that I am very intrigued by The Blind Side? I am a sucker for football movies (The Replacements still has a special place in my heart - why?), so naturally this one pairing a warm story and some football naturally makes sense for me. I may spring for a movie ticket to catch a Sunday matinee, depending on how the reviews shake out. Right now, its holding steady at a fantastically mediocre 48, so it looks like I will be waiting for DVD.

Liquor: I really have yet to do enough damage to my new bottle of Eagle Rare, so graciously given to me by dear friend emma. Perhaps some comfort the likes of which only bourbon can provide will be necessary after the Giants shit their season.

Whimsy: So, I look forward (as you all should) to getting a geography lesson this weekend. Most of these renderings are surprisingly decent (Sherrod Brown's Ohio is really quite convincing), save for the abomination provided to us by Georgia's Saxby Chambliss. Really shocking stuff from the senior senator, a purported University of Georgia alum, and all around Georgia man. In case you have a distant relationship with geography, the state he decided to offer up bears a much stronger resemblance to Mississippi than it does to his home state of Georgia. Only a couple of states off, friend! Nice try.

And now its time for the Office - 30 Rock comedy hour of power. Go weekend, go!

tuesday museday

Ah, the super-late edition of the muse!

A single topic, possibly insane one at that!

So, things have been pretty boring as of late, in many respects. My sports teams are either in a holding pattern (Madrid), tanking (Giants), miserable (Rangers), and unwatchable (Knicks). Everyone has kind of settled out to predictability. Wonderful. Professionally, work is kind of meh, as kids are reluctant to come in to work on applications before December, when they will collectively have a shit fit as they realize that applications are due right after Christmas break ends. Womps there. Congress can't get a damn thing done with regard to anything good (Obama isn't getting much traction in getting judges appointed? Sixty vote majority, my ass.) Its all very rich right now. How to solve this? What would bring me, the country, and the WOLRD out of this morass?

Alien invasion.

Come again?

Yes, I could really go for an alien invasion right about now. Now I am not talking about Kang and Kodos style domination of the planet, really who wants to be a slave to some tentacled horrors? No, no, the kind of alien invasion I am talking about is the kind that you get to see in movies like Independence Day (am I continuing last week's pattern?), where the shit hits the fan for a while, lots of shit gets blown up, but in the end the aliens have some kind of hilarious weakness that allows us to pwn them with our puny, non-intergalactic technology. Alright, yes, I realize that is clearly a sub-optimal way of improving things in this country/world, but at the same time you can't deny the potential power of it.

1) Economic Problems Solved: with the expected loss of labor due to the devastation (sorry folks!), and the increased need for infrastructure repair (see previously linked picture), I see many of our economic problems taking care of themselves after the invasion/war. Everyone likes a good postwar boom time, so I say let the good times roll!

2) World Bands Together: surely nothing could bring us together more than having to collectively, as a planet, have to fend off an alien invader. Partisan attacks and political quibbles would be minimized in an ultimate test of planetary survival. That is, unless some rogue nation decides to cut a deal with the aliens in exchange for a lenient slavery policy. I am looking at you, North Korea!

3) Sweet New Technology: you thought your Android 2.0 based phone was cool? Think about the awesome technology we could cop if we harnessed all the good tidbits inside the alien ships (once of course we destroyed the aliens inside) and used them to our own ends. Cancer? Psht, these Klingon bitches figured that shit out millennia ago. Recycling? Look at this doodad they have here, it can turn these copies of Going Rogue into food for starving children. The payoff would be tremendous.

Really these are only the top 3 benefits to be gained by successfully fending off some kind of epic attack. There are definitely at least two more, and quite possibly four! I will let your imaginations run wild!

/ return to sanity next week, or sooner.