a little more serif

So I have updated the layout of the site a bit more... I never quite settled on the background color before and I have decided to change things around a bit. I also changed the typeface from verdana to georgia to give the text a different feel. There might be future tinkering, so... be prepared!

smart kids, bad schools

Smart Kids, Bad Schools, authored by high school English teacher-turned-author Brian Crosby, has been taking up most of my reading time as of late. I must say that I thoroughly enjoyed the book, mainly because of my recent kick in rethinking the way I think about public education. The premise of the book is that while public schools are racked with problems, they are our best option in terms of educating young people that is available. From his perspective of working in Los Angeles area public school, Mr. Crosby provides 38 ways that he thinks our current system could be improved... from my perspective, I am going to provide my own take on 5 of his best ideas for reforming the system.

5. (1) What Building Is Drab-Looking, Has Gates All Around It, with Bells Ringing All the Time? (Hint: It's Not a Prison)

In his first chapter, Mr. Crosby makes the point that schools are designed horribly these days. Even newer schools are bland-looking and set a very negative tone for what goes on within the walls of the school. He also makes the point that the way that school is structured, with bells going off to indicate that students should move on to the next class and with Student Resource Officers (SROs - little more than glorified sheriff's deputies) marshaling over the goings-on of the school as if it were a prison. When you put kids into a prison-like place, and set the tone of expectation that they will screw up and break all sorts of rules, well... don't be surprised when they behave like prisoners and act a fool!

The point is well taken... in the school in which I work there is an SRO and several administrators whose sole job it seems is to monitor the halls and to track down troubled children. At least once a week there are "hall sweeps" which are used to flush out the tardy children who are just hanging out in the halls. They are collected by these administrators and placed into the auditorium, presumably to strike fear in their harts such that they will never be late again... right. Halls sweeps are ridiculous... if kids are late to class or just trying to spend their time hanging out in the hall... fuck them up. Give them suspensions or just kick them out of school. If they don't want to be in class and want to fuck around, they can do that on someone else's time. These administrators could be doing more useful things with their time rather than being the police of the school.

4. (29) Outlaw Teacher's Unions

Towards the end of his book, Mr. Crosby makes the point that a lot of the changes he proposes to public education, as well as any change in general, are rendered immediately fanciful because of the powerful teachers unions that are interested in maintaining the status quo. He also points out that all teachers have at least a bachelors' degree and most of them have masters' degrees, so having their work treated in the same way as autoworkers (an occupation that requires little to no college education) is demeaning and regressive. The assertion is rightly made that the unions for the most part are interested in the power of the union, not the betterment of the teaching profession or what is best for students.

Although I have little experience with teachers unions, I have gained some experience with how teachers view the status quo and its not good. I have some teacher-friends and they fall into two categories for the most part: those who are upset by much of what they see going on in the school and will soon change occupation if their situations don't improve and those who are satisfied enough with the way things are going/are apathetic to the real problems that face the school. Teachers unions are against many proven methods of improving the student experience: performance-based pay, eliminating the summer vacation, and more rigorous licensure measures. I think that any institution that stands against the kind of change that schools need is vile and needs to be done away with. Its obvious that many, many schools are underperforming and that education is becoming a black hole for billions of dollars of public funds, so lets do away with that which is holding back much needed reform.

3. (19) Put the A Back in Advanced Placement Classes

Mr. Crosby bemoans the fact that these days simply too many kids are taking the AP program of classes. The AP was initially designed as a rigorous curriculum for college preparation, and now it has taken the place of honors classes as a place for students to acquire weighted grades. Parents clamor for their students to be in these classes, and for the school districts to offer more of them, while the number of truly bright and dedicated kids up to the challenge of taking these classes isn't necessarily increasing. The result is a watered-down experience for those students who are in the classes for the right reasons of intellectual curiosity and aptitude.

This is one of the points of the book that really appealed to me. Being placed in a high school where the AP curriculum is somewhat suspect, I really took to noticing more about how there were some really trifling kids taking AP classes, some mediocre kids taking AP classes, and much fewer actually competent and prepared students taking the classes. Another problem about the AP situation, especially at my school, is that there aren't enough teachers qualified to teach the classes that are in demand and scheduled. For example, AP US History is taught virtually from the other high school in the county because of a shortage of teachers certified to teach the course. The result? Shitty classroom experience (students can't ask questions of a teacher who isn't there), a TERRIBLE passage rate on the AP test (a 3 is hailed as a great success at SHS), and a cheating scandal because the person watching over the class is super disinterested in watching the kids and grading tests that she didn't write (awesome!). The AP should be a great way for kids to get a jump on college - kids who are able to compete in the class and absorb the information required to pass the class.

2. (10) What One-third of All Seventeen- and Eighteen-year-olds Are Not Doing This Year (and It Has Nothing to Do with Sex or Drugs)

This chapter covers the alarming dropout rate among high school students in this country. According to statistics that Mr. Crosby provides, about 1/3 of the aforementioned seventeen- and eighteen-year-olds each year are dropping out of high school, an alarming statistic. Further statistics provided by Crosby show that the US ranks 11th among developed nations in our high school graduation rate, and that we used to rank 1st.

On its face, this might not be of great concern to you... after all, the world needs people to staff the McDonalds, the WalMarts, and the convenience stores. But when you think about it more deeply, you realize that these people will be lacking even the most remedial skills in reading, writing, and mathematics, leading to an overall dumbing down of our culture and country. This dropout rate is telling us that public schools are failing to engage and make school worthwhile to a third of the children that come through its doors. If you were to think that maybe the standards for high school graduation are too lofty, that if maybe schools made it easier to graduate we wouldn't have such an alarming figure, let me assuage your fears: IF YOU HAVE A PULSE, YOU CAN GRADUATE HIGH SCHOOL these days. The last thing that schools are set up to do these days is allow for failure, such is the fear of administrators of having funding to their schools reduced or losing their jobs. Students are allowed to take, re-take, and take again standardized tests required by states to graduate from high school and teachers are actively discouraged from giving out F's that will prevent students from moving through high school. So trust me, these kids are not dropping out for lack of hope of attaining that elusive high school diploma. They are leaving because they find the classes disengaging, the material they are being forced to learn (or really not learn, as evidenced above) boring/inapplicable, or because they don't see the point in going to school if they want to be anything other than a college going student. Which brings me to my favorite point of the book...

1. (11) Vocational Education: Public Schools' Neglected Stepchild

Because Mr. Crosby makes his point best in his own words, I will quote from the opening paragraphs of his chapter to summarize:

"When students don't feel that school provides them with any thing, they act out in antisocial ways, from not doing work to creating a disturbance in class to vandalizing the school. A crucial area of connecting students to their schools is making sure there are enough choices to satisfy most students' interests. Currently in high school this is not the case.

Why are students brought up on the belief that they can accomplish any goal, yet when they get to high school their options are limited to "you will go to college"?

The question that needs to be asked of every high school student is "What are you interested in doing?" instead of "did you know that college graduates make X amount of money?" If a youngster can't stand spinach, the solution isn't to give him a heaping portion of it. You try to find alternative nutritious foods he will eat."

With the line of work that I am in, this chapter proved the most pertinent to me. I see the main thrust of this chapter playing out every day, amongst the guidance counselors I work with, the teachers in my school, and amongst my colleagues in college access. I can't blame students for seeing that all that high school is leading up to is more schooling, more classes that they are disinterested in, and ultimately ore wasting of their time. If a high school student has no appetite for college, currently their only options are to go through the motions at school and make a token effort, or to not. I can't blame those who choose to not go through the motions, to be honest. If you were to show up to a place every day, where you have no interest in what you are doing, where teachers treat you like crap because you don't want anything to do with what they are teaching you, where administrators are always on your case for not rushing to another useless class... would you show up? Probably not.

That’s why vocational education needs to be stressed more heavily. Instead of treating it as beneath our students, we need to be encouraging it as the best option for a lot of them. In the coming days I will write more about the ideas of chapter, as it fits into a general theory about the high school/college/vocational education paradigm. Suffice to say, though, that this point is one that more in my field need to consider more heavily. College isn't, or shouldn't be, for everyone.

The final verdict: the book is decent. Mr. Crosby makes some good points (like the ones above), but many of his chapters are weighed down by personal examples that stray from the main thrusts of the book and seem rather petty. He also shills for his American Educational Association (a professional association as an option for teachers against the powerful NEA), something that I wasn't crazy about in the context of a book that should have a more objective point of view. The writing isn't all that great and oftentimes ventures into the colloquial. Mr. Crosby is fond of providing statistics to back up his personal observations, but most all of these statistics lack proper footnotes or parenthetical references, so there is really no good way of backing up many of the points he attempts to bolster through the use of statistics. I would say its worth a read for the points mentioned above, but definitely peruse it on your next trip to Borders or take a look at it in the library, don't shell out precious dollars to buy it.

smell, et al.

Samuels Public Library: where the most trifling denizens of FroRo congregate when the other vagabond spots are closed.

Now, I am not one to talk. I consider the library one of the places I can most often be found aside from my home and school. I like the fact that it has free internet, many interesting books, and a great library staff that is both helpful and polite (not like most of the librarians I have come across in my life).

But I am nothing like the rest of the people that come here. I have often described the people who frequent the library as the dregs of FroRo society, and I think today is a day that proves my point unlike any other. Just moments ago, as I walked in, I noticed two things about the current state of the library: 1) that there were a lot of people here and 2) holy shit it smelled like burnt rubber and ass! As I gathered more information about the scene, I realized that these two facts were intimately correlated, as the vast majority of people in here were some of the fattest, most unkempt looking fuckers I have ever laid eyes upon. The typical cast of characters were all here, namely the Waddler, the Quiet Studying Girl (not trifling for the record, but an established regular), Snoring Old Man, and the Beard Brigade, but this time they brought their families and friends it seemed. So many stained, raggedy shirts! So many people queued for access to computers to check their MySpace! So much BODY ODOR.

As a result, I am here blogging from a carrel in the far recesses of the library. Away from all of the malodorous nonsense going on in the main area. I pray that the cloud of evaporated plebian sweat will not reach me before I can do what I need to do and get out of here.

sat testing

thoughts on this article in the NYTimes, from an email to a colleague:

I believe that the test needs to play a prominent role in college admissions. As the piece noted, it is a fairly reliable predictor of graduation rate, which is a very telling statistic. It shows how well students were able to adjust to the college curriculum and succeed at the next level.

What I worry about with the loosening of standards for SAT scores in admissions is that students are being admitted into schools that they are not fully ready to compete in. For example, with vocabulary and the SAT... the words featured on the test are not so obscure that one would not expect the average college student to be familiar with them. So if we let students into college who lack these words in their vocabulary, we are faced with two options: 1) let these students proceed in classes where it seems like the professors are speaking a foreign language or 2) "dumb down" the expectations of entering first years' vocabulary, thus leading to an overall watering down of the collegiate experience. I'm not saying that having a small vocabulary should be a barrier for students, but if they are genuinely interested in getting a good education, they need to spend the time to learn the language of complex ideas and creative description.

In terms of what to do about the SAT problem, the burden falls upon the schools. I think that schools systems that are serious about getting more of their students to go to 4 year school or community college, and thus improve the communities that they serve, need to incorporate SAT prep into their curricula. One teacher aptly described this as "pulling from the top" instead of "pushing from the bottom", which would describe the narrow focus on just getting kids to pass the SOLs. If schools don't take any measures to make sure that their students are prepared for the SAT, they are relegating themselves to a never-ending cycle of low socioeconomic standing compared to those districts that invest in their students' performance on these tests. Its not enough to put funding into fee waiver programs, just to see those students get 1000s on the test (all three sections combined).

In summary: the test is flawed, yet it is a useful tool right now. I think to do away with it would be folly, but changes are definitely necessary. Now off to my next SAT prep course for these kids...

veterans day

Veterans Day

So today is Veterans Day, and sadly I am blogging this day after school because Warren County doesn't feel the need to give its students a holiday for what should be one of the most important non-religious holidays of the year. Why is Veterans Day so important, you ask? What makes it more special than, say, Memorial Day or the 4th of July? My answer is fairly simple, its one word, and its:

PEACE.

As most of you probably know, Veterans Day (11 November) is descended from the earlier Armistice Day (which underwent a name change after World War II), which signified the end of fighting on the western front in World War I. The Great War, as it is also known - especially in Europe - was the first modern conflagration Europe had ever experienced, and the first struggle between nations on a truly global scale. Modern warfare, instead of producing the rapid victories as many prognosticators forecasted, actually produced protracted, meaningless, and horribly destructive warfare when new technology was placed in the hands of 19th century-oriented generals. Millions upon millions died of the war and its after-effects. It was truly horrible, scarring, and set the tone for a century where might was too often conflated with right. Not to say that previous centuries hadn't seen their fair share of bloodshed, but the 20th saw it brought about with cold calculation and ruthless efficiency.

But what does this have to do with Veterans Day, and why students should have the day off of school for it?

Here is my thinking:

Too often days that used to have significance in times of or just after great struggle lose their impact to a generation of relatively coddled and insolent youth. In the interests of blog-integrity, I must include myself in this generation. Although our nation is definitely at war, the military engagements in Iraq and Afghanistan pale in comparison to the mobilizations this country has gone through in the past. Needless to say, that these are two ongoing conflicts that are not as high on the national conscience as our World Wars, or even Vietnam, a war to which our current situation is too often compared. Point is, students these days really have no idea what it was like to be alive in times of war like this, what kind of sacrifices everyone had to make, the heartache of having a whole generation wiped out or severely crippled due to war. That ignorance isn't all that bad, either: I bet most people who fought in those wars and lived through those times wouldn't wish it on any other generation. Students, and everyone for that matter, should not be totally ignorant of that hardship. They should know and have a somber reminder of all the pain and struggle each and every Veterans Day. Each year it should serve as a reminder of the bravery of those who serve, and of the undesirable nature of war as a means to resolve conflict between nations. Otherwise, Veterans Day becomes an empty "Hallmark Holiday" where people go through the motions while failing to grasp the significance of what the day actually means. If Veterans Day were taken more seriously, and if everyone learned from a young age what it all meant or should mean...

- Would leaders be as eager to engage in war if their people were fully aware of all the hardship and pain that it entails?
- Would those with few educational options be as intrigued by joining the service if they knew fully what being in a battle is like?
- Would we all demand that our veterans be treated with more care from the government that sent them out to fight if we knew better what they have sacrificed?
- Would more peaceful means be sought to resolve differences between all nations?

I usually don't like to be too serious, and I'm afraid that this post lacks most of the snark present in my average post, but I feel pretty strongly about this day and how it is presented to students. Maybe its because I work in a school. Maybe its because I am a history person and am fascinated by how important World War I was to our current history, or maybe even because I am encouraged by the new serious and thoughtful nature that our incoming presidential administration will bring to this country. I really can't tell for sure. What I do know is this: if someday, god willing, I am an old man high school history teacher, I will be sure to take this day to educate my students on how meaningful it truly is.

history

Because I will never tire of watching these clips, and because NBC is my official network:

(I like the NBC graphic declaring Obama to be the next president:)




(I like the overall MSNBC presentation:)





delicious.

irony

If you are as confused about this whole pro/real America versus anti/fake America thing as I am, I would like to share a moment of clarity that I just came to.

To be anti-American, if one follows the presumable meaning of Ms. Palin, is to probably be Republican. Republican-voting states are typically referred to as "red-states" in this poll-crazy, electoral vote counting age we are in.

If you would kindly consider the following picture of the 2004 Electoral Map:













This is the same map, but with only the states as of 1864:












And finally, this is a map of the Union (blue) and Confederate (red) states [Kentucky was really a split state, so we are discounting it here for the sake of argument]:






As you can see, there is a lot of similarity here.






Some would call it ironic that the "pro-America" parts of the country, in fact, used to be the most anti-America states! THE ONES WHO TRIED TO FORM THEIR OWN COUNTRY!!!

fifth column

On my way back from Richmond last Thursday, I decided to listen to the Sean Hannity radio show, just to check the pulse of the rabid right. I was treated to several eye-opening points of view and detected the beginning of what I perceived to be a coherent idea building amongst the wingnuts out there in Fox News-watching, Hannity-listening, National Review-reading world:

ACORN, the most famous tree nut of this political season, is responsible for both the collapse of the stock market AND will deliver the election to Barack Obama this November.

... uh what? Come again?

Yes, you read correctly: the Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now is single-handedly going to turn the country over to Barack Obama come November 4 (through "one of the greatest frauds of voter history in this country" according to Mr. McCain). How could they pull off such a massive campaign to defraud the naation? Well, its easy when you consider that they have already checked "cause the entire sub-prime mortgage crisis" and "plunge the stock market into over 30% loss in a year" off of your to-do list.

My friends (I couldn't help myself), the rabid right is truly reaching into its bag of dastardly tricks here. I mean, when accusations of "pallin' around with terrorists" aren't sticking, and people don't really give a shit if a candidate is Muslim (muslin?) as long as he has some clue of what is going on with the economy, you really have to dig deep to reverse the slide in the polls that your candidate is facing. And thats what brings us to the latest boogeyman of the radical right. Not your typical poor person or welfare queen or lazy minority, no no, its a group of ALL of them put together fighting for their RIGHTS and SOCIAL-ECONOMIC JUSTICE. God forbid!

ECONOMIC PERIL!
By asking the Big Bad Federal Government to step in and force responsible lenders to issue them loans back in 1977, minorities and other poor rabble are responsible for this economic mess we have found ourselves in! Nevermind the mind-bogglingly complex mortgage-backed derivatives and credit-default swaps, ACORN is the modern descendant of this government handout movement that really screwed us!

ELECTION FRAUD!
By mobilizing voter registration drives in record numbers, ACORN has opened the door ballot booth door for Jive Turkeys all around the country. Nevermind that voter registration fraud is not, in fact, voter fraud (there is a step or two in between), these ACORN people are going to deliver the vote to that socialist Obama, and the country will really go down the crapper - presumably farther than it is now.

- end sarcastic rant -

If this formula sounds slightly familiar, you may have been paying attention in history class. Congratulations! If it is less than familiar or you need a refresher after all these years, I'll break it down for you:

The Right is trying to make ACORN and groups like it out to be this nation's very own FIFTH COLUMN. What is a fifth column, you ask? Lets go to the Wiki, which provides a fairly succinct definition:

A fifth column is a group of people who clandestinely undermine a larger group to which it is expected to be loyal, such as a nation.

- and, with my additons -

The term also refers to a subpopulation, such as an ethnic minority (or ACORN and groups like it), which is assumed to have loyalties to countries other than the one in which they reside (they probably live in those anti-America parts of the country), or who support some other nation (anti-America) in war efforts (elections) against the country they live in (the pro-America), the result of dual loyalty (to both pro- and anti-America?).

Here are some historical fifth columns:

Nationalists in Madrid during the Spanish Civil War (original)
Kulaks in Stalinist Russia (purge much?)
Jews in Germany (re: Stab In the Back)

and soon to be added to the list: the vile COMMUNITY ORGANIZERS OF ACORN!!!111



Just you wait for the scapegoating come November 5... its sure to be rich.

distractions, distractions

Just as it seemed that I was getting to be a somewhat consistent blogger, life got in the way and my activity has dropped yet again. I promise, dear readers, that this was but a momentary lapse in blogging vigilance.

But, I do say, that the reason for the distraction was a noble one.

For the past week, I have been attempting to right my television situation (as previously referenced in "antenna debacle" and casually mentioned in other posts). I will come out and say it now, though:

Bust out the "Mission Accomplished" banner and put it on the battleship: the war is over!

Just today, I mastered my mysterious new technology and thus have access to the channels I need. Now I will be able to watch Monday Night Football, just like every other flag-waving, God-fearing, red-meat-eating American (or 'murican, as Tyler correctly pointed out). I will also be able to watch my beloved New York Football Giants more often (but sadly not Real Madrid CF, because GolTV is a money grubbing network) which should be great.

Do not fear, though. I will be sure to not let my added breadth of tv networks distract me from my blogging duties.

Lengthy post tomorrow on the state of things re: election and possibly football.

Pup Buckley

Former writer for conservative weekly National Review, Christopher Buckley, had the following to say regarding his support of Barack Obama:

"I'm putting it all on black, as they say in Vegas..."

In other words, this man is taking my new Obama slogan to heart. He is betting on black!!!

Also, I'm pretty sure that was a fairly racist statement on his part. I'll allow it though.

elite = good

Reading about the speeches that Sarah Palin has been giving in the past few days has really got me thinking about the time tested right wing strategy of decrying "liberal elites" and the "elitism" of Mr. Obama. They would have us believe that we are better off run by lipstick wearing hockey moms and their joe sixpack husbands, because, well, thats who (on average) Americans are. And hey, the whole idea behind democracy is that the majority is always right, right?

Well, I beg to differ. Here are some things to consider in defense of elitism:

1) Remember the Constitution? (also known as W's toilet paper) The framers of the Constitution set up our government with a system of checks and balances that not only checked power across the three branches of government (as commonly known), but also within each branch (less commonly considered). The Senate, with fewer members serving longer terms, was designed to be the more deliberative body of the two, and as such was seen as a place to be insulated from the passions of the mob and the more mob-like House. As such, the Senate was also given additional responsibilities (including the exclusive right to ratify treaties and confirm judicial appointments). Furthermore, the members of the Senate were originally selected by the state legislatures, further insulating them from the whims of the general populace. Again, the framers were on to something. Here we see structured elitism: the more powerful arm of the legislative branch was an elite one. Why? Because the framers only wanted the best of the best, the most able and capable making the big decisions for the country.

2) Joe Six Pack is a Fucking Idiot! I work in a public school. In an average county. I would say it is fairly representative of middle America. Lets call it Joe Six Pack Canning Factory. In the position of quality assurance inspector in this factory, my professional assessment is: THIS COUNTRY IS FUCKED (educationally speaking). Not to say that kids are dumb, it just seems like they don't give a GOD DAMN if they learn or not. They are (honest to God) more worried about who is fighting who at the park and if Lil' Wayne's newest song is "whack" or not. They are disiniterested in science class and could care less about how to write effectively in their native language (or any other for that matter). These are the people that are going to be "responsible adults" in a few years? HOLY SHIT, we are in for a wild ride. If these kids, the same ones that struggle to find the Ukraine on a map or not know that Africa is NOT A COUNTRY, are going to be judging who gets to lead our cities, states, and nation... I'm betting on more of the same culture war crap, assault on reason bullshit we get from a lot of traditional candidates these days. Because if you are too unmotivated to pick up a book and do your homework, good luck actually thinking critically about the shit that the people you vote for (or are too apathetic to vote for) do in your name.

3) Elite != Privileged, for fuck's sake: There is a great difference between these two terms, and I think it strikes to the heart of the "elitist" attack. Most people would see a strong relationship between these two words, that one necessarily implies the other. Not so, I say. Here is an example:

George W. Bush = privileged. Bush did not get good grades in school. Empirical observation would tell us that he wasn't a very good businessman. He hasn't been a great president, either. He is where he is today mainly because he is privileged. His father was the 41st President and his family is incredibly wealthy. Privileged in this sense is having the best in life because of the circumstances you are born in to.

Barack Obama = elite. Obama got very good grades in school (you don't end up being president of Harvard Law Review on accident). Empirical observation wold tell us that he has been fairly successful at most things he has put his mind to. He has risen through the political ranks through a demonstrated ability to convey his message to people and has had legislative success when he hasn't been seeking a higher office. He is where he is today because he is an intellectual and political elite. He came from a supremely modest background (mother on food stamps, raised by grandparents) and has risen to where he is today. Elite in this sense is having natural brilliance and fortitude to make the most of yourself, despite what circumstances you are born into.

In this example, who do you trust? The "elitist" who is where he is today because he is very able and smart or the privileged man who pretty much fell ass-backwards into prominence?


Summary: elitism = not so bad. When it comes down to it, do you want the person who has committed themselves to gaining more knowledge and bettering themselves (the intellectual elite) or joe six pack who really doesn't care to use their brain for anything more than carrying out what their basic impulses command?


Give me the elite any day.

bloviators!

The pundits are drumming up the spin cycle (that Travis Smiley is currently - and nobly - decrying on his PBS show) and the signs are troubling.

Why? Because they are saying how well Obama did! And how he should keep up his lead in light of this performance. And this is disturbing because... Pundits suck! They are paid and make their names by saying something new, yet something they still fits in with the CW. And if there us something I don't buy, it's the CW. It will be interesting to see how this plays out; for some reason I see Obama's lead contracting in the coming 10 days as the media will give some play to
the crazy bullshit that us coming out of Palin's mouth.

new slogan

Forget "Change We Need"... I have a new slogan for the Obama campaign as we enter the final stretch of this marathon election cycle. Borrowed from perhaps the most famous phase uttered by action star turned tax felon Wesley Snipes in the excellent Passenger 57, my slogan is simple:

"Always Bet On Black"

Whether you're at the roulette table, betting on a 100m foot race, or deciding who is going to fix this country from its shambled state, you can't go wrong by betting on black. I know this, the Obama camp knows this, and I feel with the unveiling of this new piece of advertisement, the American people will know this all too soon.

No need to raise several hundred $5 donations, Barry, this one's for free.


Also, if you feel like your knowledge of the aforementioned Snipes film is lacking, here is the teaser (the profound words come in at 0:29 if you want to get right to gold):

drops of gold

I just forked out $60 for 5 ml of Zymar. $12 a ml if you do the math. No wonder this shit has a yellow hue... IT MUST BE GOLD IN SOLUTION.

Fuck. My health plan SUCKS.

I really hope at the end of the treatment I am left with x-ray or laser vision. Thats the only way this little piece of shit bottle could be worth SIXTY FUCKING DOLLARS.

new color

the blog has a new color scheme... I like it for now, but I am unsure of how it will wear. Any thoughts?

iphone blogging

I just figured out how blog from the silly bazilly iPhone. Obviously this is an inferior way of keeping up with the blog, but it's an intriguing option.

I'm also thinking about doing a color reformat of the site... any
thoughts from readers would be welcome.

sweet caroline's

This weekend harbored a significant event in my FroRo life: my first night on the town in Winchester. Winchester is kind of a big deal around these parts, it plays the role of the "big city" in Northwestern Virginia (or the Valley as the natives call it) with a host of treats for the people who flock here from the hinterlands. The resplendent Apple Blossom Mall hosts many fine shops in its single story, the decadent downtown has a handful top flight bars and clubs, and Shenandoah University serves as a beacon of knowledge to all who dare gaze upon it. All in all, Winchester sure is the shit.

I happened to sample some of the night life of Winchester, the bar known as Sweet Caroline's (dun dun dun, like the song), for one of my coleagues' 29th birthday bonanza. I was the DD, so while the drinks were flowing for everyone else, I was there to make sure that everyone got home safe and without vomiting all over their nice going out clothes. Mind you that "everyone" and "their" refers to the group of twentysomething teachers I was with, who were all out to have a good time - to jam out with their clam out as one of them put it - at the club of clubs in downtown Winchester.

With such high expectations, I was sure that I was going to be let down by the reality of the place. And at first, I think I was. There wasn't much dancing going on, the average age of the people at the bar seemed to be about 56 (this number was skewed by the presence of a man we all agreed was over the age of 85) and the mood seemed to be a shade under subdued. But as the third and fourth drinks started to hit people's bloodstreams, and as the younger types filed in from their raucus pregames (no doubt fueled by the victory of local favorites Virginia Tech), the mood seemed to lighten overall and the real party got underway.

From this gathering, I learned three critical lessons:

1) If I ever get to the point where I am over 30 and trying to pick women up in a bar, I hope that my friends and family have the good sense and kindness of heart to put me down old Yeller style.

2) When a fiftysomething soulful black woman starts grinding up on you, all you can do is grind back. Its truly the only acceptable course of action. And when she reaches around for your junk? Well, you better hope that the previously mentioned grinding has had the appropriate (read: deflating) effect on the package. Otherwise you could be in for some trouble.

3) To be considered worth a second look by women at a Winchester bar, you must be wearing a hat. Preferably with a nascar number on it or the letters "VT". God help you if you are using it to cover up your baldness, though.


Those are the distilled facts garnered from my night on the town. I could provide more in the way of narrative, but I think that those points really highlight much of what I learned out there. I will be sure to post more findings once my research develops further.

recommended reading

Not a substantial post today, just a link to something very much worth reading.

Jonathan Chait for The New Republic on John McCain and his lying ways.

I have a lot to say about what is going on right now, but not too much time to say it. Maybe Friday, as tomorrow is off-limits due to the season premier of the Office.

Happy reading!

microsoft ads

Before I proceed:

:: BIAS DISCLAIMER ::

I have made clear my support of Apple before, but I do not write the following article from any perspective other than that of an amused observer of a foundering (and wildly expensive) ad campaign.

End disclaimer.
----------------------------

I was watching the last rerun of the Office Thursday night when I was treated to a true commercial masterpiece: the new Microsoft ads, herein referred to as the "I'm a PC" ads. They are so called because they feature an array of famous people proclaiming their status as PCs - presumably meaning that they are PC users and not horrifyingly realistic cyborgs created my Microsoft to brainwash us all... but I digress. The main thrust of this ad, from what I can tell, is to rebut the claim made by Apple in its "PC versus Mac" commercials that PCs aren't hip and cool, a claim made byt he juxtaposition between the cool (condescending?) Mac Guy (a reference to Apple founder and CEO Steve Jobs) and the hapless, nerdy PC Guy (an obvious and apparently irksome reference to Microsoft founder Bill Gates).

This "I'm a PC" ad is just the latest in a series of ads trying to rebrand Microsoft as just as awesome as Apple... the only problem being that the entire campaign has been waged in a very Microsoft (and hence uncool and plodding) way. This $300 MILLION effort has fallen largely flat so far, and has been supremely entertaining to watch as a Mac fan, mainly because it has only served to reaffim my distaste for the Redmond crowd.

Set #1: The Mojave Experiment. These ads show the results of a "field test" that Microsoft ran with 140 participants in the aim of disproving the bad rap that Vista has had since its release two years ago. The premise is that these users were told they were running a new operating system called "Mojave" when in fact they were running a Vista on max-ed out systems (high end graphics cards, loads of RAM, etc). The result? These users LOVED the system (satisfaction rating of 8.5 versus a control rating of 4.4) and were SHOCKED when they were told they had been running Vista all along. The point? Apparently the only reason customers have been dissatisfied with Vista is THEIR OWN IGNORANCE!!!111 Microsoft would like customers to believe that their product isn't shitty and cumbersome to most of the computers that run it, but rather that the average user is gullible and has too readily bought into the CW about Vista (that it is shitty and cumbersome). WHAT A RELIEF! Sounds almost like Phill Gramm (perhaps the leading candidate for Donkey of the Decade) was behind these stinkers. Oh, and for those of you who forgot, he is the McCain advisor that earlier this summer said that this country was full of whiners and that the only recession we are going through is a "mental" one. Remind yourself of that when you are checking into your 401k, if it still exists.

Set #2: The Ads About Nothing. These ads, featuring Bill Gates and comic genius Jerry Seinfeld, were aimed at touting... no, demonstrating the capabil... no, hell I don't know what they were trying to show and I don't think most viewers could figure that out either. The two that have run so far (there is supposedly a third one out there, but it is not planned to hit airwaves) have featured Gates and Seinfeld in "real people" locations doing "real people" things. I guess the idea behind these ads was to demonstrate that, despite his billions, Gates still likes to save on shoes? These ads were truly Seinfeldian in the sense that they were about nothing, and really didn't try to sell the viewer anything. In that respect I think they were a success. Unfortunately for Microsoft, that was the only realm in which they succeeded. If I was anything like the average viewer, I got two things out of the ad: 1) a fresh look at some Seinfeld humor and 2) the chance to laugh at an aimless ad campaign from M$. Thanks, Billy boy, for keeping my homeboy Jerry rich (he was paid $10 mil for the spots) and me laughing at your company!

Set #3: The Aforementioned "I'm A PC" Ads. On the face of it, these ads may seem like they are doing the job they were intended to do (unlike the Seinfeld ones) and giving the viewer some credit (unlike the insulting Mojave ones). The problem with these ads, though? As Prince McLean puts it in his recent article:

"Apple presents the Mac in contrast to PC because it wants to avoid any unnecessary mention of Windows. By copying Apple's line, Microsoft will be spending millions to advertise the PC rather than the Windows brand.

Further, as PC companies such as Dell and Acer continue to seek new ways to use Linux in place of Windows, and as the top PC vendor HP begins its own efforts to create a Windows alternative ... the idea of advertising 'the PC' [does] even less for Microsoft."

I loled at you, Microsoft. Just stick with what you know and don't try to "be cool". Most people use you for uncool things at work and school, and thats ok. Just take your ~90% market share and be happy! You have your monopoly and most people would be content with that. So sit back, relax, and leave the commercials to the fine folks in Cupertino.



PS - Interestingly enough, the "I'm a PC" ads were apparently made on, you guessed it, a Mac!

predictive powers

As it turns out, having NO internet access at home will do a lot to hinder one's ability to update a blog. That being said, I think I have worked out a system (read: found a place secret nearby with free interwebs) that will allow me to update pretty much every day. Its not that I haven't had ideas for blogging, its just that I haven't had the chance to get to internet to share them.

But a few updates before I get to the main point of this post:
1) I now have TV. Phase 1 of my master Satellite TV plan is complete.
2) I have begun to listen to the "Southern Light Gospel Network" radio station. Not because I have turned a new leaf, but because I am a cynical bastard and like to hear what these "values voters" have to say sometimes.
3) I have rediscovered the glory of the Lean Mean Fat Burning Machine (otherwise known as a George Foreman Grill)

And now back to your regularly scheduled programming:

I would like to point out to everyone my amazing predictive powers. Last week, there was a lot of hand-wringing and chicken-little-ing coming from a lot of Obama supporters. If you can remember that far back (before this nation's economy took a long walk off a short, poorly constructed pier) all signs pointed to the "genius" of the Palin pick and how soaring McCain's numbers were due to his "maverick" seclection of the Alaskan governor. I was beginning to get a little hot under the collar myself, but then took a step back and remembered what I had thought the instant I heard that Palin was goingto be McCain's running mate: holy shit, what a pick, she must be the least qualified veep selection since Spiro Agnew... this is gold! I then wrote the following passage in an email to a friend the morning of Wednesday 10 September:

"I am sure you are well aware of the seemingly boundless "Palin bounce" that is going on right now, with McCain experiencing boosts in all the major polls and especially among the white middle age women bracket. From what I have read on most of the sites these days (this is what I do when kids fall asleep in class instead of responding to my summons), it seems like the netroots are getting hot under the collar regarding this situation. I really don't think they should (at least thats what I tell myself when I begin to worry), for a few reasons. First, I know the media is definitely doing its part (ie: lipstick on a pig flap) to fan the flames being ignighted by the McCain campaign. It seems that they are all too happy to harp on any little thing that comes there way that feeds into the McCain-Palin bounce narrative that seems to be the order of the week for the news cycle. Secondly, the Obama campaign (while being far from perfect) has done a good job so far in weathering all storms that have come its way (remember that time Obama was linked to a certain radical pastor? who talks about that anymore?) and come out of everything pretty much on top. I am sure that the next week's narrative will have something to do with the outright dishonest and dishonorable nature of a lot of the ads that the McCain campaign is running (that sex-ed one comes to mind) and the flaws in the Palin selection (which after some initial doubts has been hailed as a great success from what I have read)."

There you have it, ladies and gents, the media is so predictable that this lowly college advisor could figure out what would play out in the coming week: a shift in narrative, new portents of an Obama surge, and Palin coming under even more scrutiny.

As for another prediction, I don't think I want to press my luck... BUT I do like to gamble, so I am going to go out on a limb:

Prediction: Next week will be another rough one for McCain, as his "fundamentals" comment gets more and more play, and possibly his bizarre interview coupled with Chuck Hagel's comments about Palin will play well into the developing narrative that McCain's numbers are following the Dow's southward plunge. Look for this to feed nicely into the story that McCain will "do better than expected" in next Friday's debate.


Lets watch how this works.

first day

My first day at school was yesterday, and it was dominated by a singular, week-defining event:

The EYE BUG CATASTROPHE!!!!111

The story goes as follows:
It was around 9:48 or so (it was a very lax day, the kids had no use for college guidance on a day when they were learning where all of their classes were), when I started to rub my right eye. Typically, this process is known as 'rubbing the sleep out of ones eyes’, which at this boring and relatively early juncture of the day was exactly my plan. Typically this part of the eye is full of goodies, you know eye crust and the like. As I rubbed, though, I noted that my particular treasure this time was a lot bigger in mass and queer in texture as compared to the standard issue I typically get. As I rolled this treat down my cheek and collected it on my finger, I noticed something… horrific. Something so shocking that I am pretty sure I jumped out of my seat and shrieked.

What was this ghastly discovery?

Nothing other than a GREEN BUG. Yes, there on the tip of my finger was green insect of about 3 mm in length and .75 mm in width. The presence of this bug was disturbing in the extreme. After all, its probably one of the things you least expect to see staring right back at you when you rub your eye. Needless to say, this discovery prompted more questions than it did answers, questions such as:

1) Where the hell did this bug come from? (and sub-questions like)
1a) How did it get in my eye?
1b) Did it originate in my eye or merely land there from above or crawl there from below?
1c)Has this bug been in my eye since Saturday, when I thought I got a flying object in my eye for a bit?
2) Why do things like this happen to me?

These questions raced in my head all day, preventing me from doing my normal duties at work (of which there were very few, but still it was a considerable distraction).

For the rest of the day, I was phased by the presence of the bug, and I spent due time and diligence doing my best to measure, categorize, and analyze the bug in full detail.

All that I can provide to you, dear reader, is this somewhat blurry iPhone generated photograph of the culprit.

If you have any information that could lead to this bug’s identification or an explanation of what it was doing in my eye, please send all responses to:



wtf!?@lolerskates.edu

antenna debacle

Fact: I really enjoy the Olympics, especially the summer games and I will do most anything to watch them. Up to an including driving 2 and a half hours to go to a friendly home that features cable TV to see the games and get a home cooked meal.

Fact: I am intensely poor right now. Americorps doesn’t exactly shell out the big bucks… and the market for a side job isn’t looking so hot right now (check back for future posts on that can of worms), thus I am constantly looking for ways to get by on the cheap.

Considering these two facts, and how they press upon my conscience at all hours of the day this time of the Olympiad, the following tale must be amusing in the utmost for you, dear reader, and the universe on the whole.

At some point on Monday I decided that I had enough. I couldn’t take any more hearing about Michael Phelps’ amazing performances over the phone, couldn’t take missing out on all of the gymnastics and reading about it the next day. No, I was going to do something about it. I was going to “Be Proactive” (Habit 1 for those Steve Covey fans out there) and fix my situation… economically. Because I wanted merely a glimpse at the prime time Olympic events (none of that handball or rhythmic gymnastics bullshit they relegate to daytime CNBC ) and do so cheaply, the way to go would be to get the most basic of cable packages. Determined to get this cable as soon as possible, I charged across the street to the Comcast office during my lunch break and demanded a breakdown of their packages. Much to my chagrin, their most basic package consisted of only the first 20 channels and cost a little over TWENTY BUCKS a month. Not going to happen, I thought. It was time for Plan B: RABBIT EARS to nab the FREE NBC floating around the airwaves. Heck, I thought, if I buy the right kind, I might be able to pick up broadcast HD… for a second I thought I was going to be money in the bank (if not literally, figuratively perhaps).

Everything was turning up Brendan at Wal-Mart, especially when I discovered that not only were the rabbit ears five dollars cheaper than advertised online, but that they were HD compatible in a big way. SILLY, I thought to myself, I am going to be checking out that synchronized diving in HD in no time. I was cised until I walked up to the register, when I was served my first cruel dose of cruel reality.

Things first seemed too good to be true when I stepped up to purchase my device. I was being rung up by a ONE TOOTHED (I wish I were kidding, but this is FroRo after all) cashier named Betsy (again, if you are thinking that this is too stereotypically Wal-Mart, I will take you to her myself).

// My inner monolgue just before making purchase //

“I am such a fucking peasant grundoon right now,” my higher conscience told me. “There is no way you are going to get what you want out of this, there is a reason that Comcast sells ultra-basic cable for plebeian assholes like yourself.”

“Shut up, cheap TV, dreamy Michael Phelps,” my lower order brain replied.

// and that was that //

The purchase made, and Betsy’s visage burned in my mind’s eye, I raced home to give my TV the gift of life.

Cue Cruel Dose Of Reality #2.
Antennas are a bitch to set up. Each channel has its own frequency that demands a certain positioning from the rabbit ears and a setting on the knob that masters the set. Not only that, newer TVs (like those made before the stone age) expect to get some input that is better than 1950’s style technology, which makes optimizing the output from an antenna difficult. I didn’t know this until I spent an hour and a half trying to get the damned set to work.

Call this CDOR #3:
After hour number 2 of fussing with the primitive device (the last half hour spent looking up possible solutions on the iPhone, my lone connection to the outside world) I came to a singular and very disappointing realization: the reason that Comcast offers an ultra-basic, just the broadcast channels service in FroRo is that the signals from D.C. DO NOT REACH THIS FUCKING PLACE! Nestled comfortably in the Shenandoah Valley, the town is impervious to signals from surrounding cities… bully!

I let the immense disappointment set in for a second, gathered my wits, and decided to put the whole thing on ice until I could figure out what the hell I was going to do to get cheap TV.

More on the Great Satellite Con later…

soul mountain

Soul is a word that is thrown around quite freely these days. One can listen to a local KISS FM and hear very “soul”-ful music. One can go to the local barber shop and get a treatment of Soul Glo for their do. One can even hop on board the Soul Train if one is lucky enough to catch a rerun. The creation of any number of soul-related products and concepts cheapens the meaning of a potentially powerful word. After all, the soul is the metaphysical essence that all humans supposedly possess. That’s some important, weighty stuff. Clearly not meant to be bandied about to describe just any run of the mill person, place, or thing.

Upon my move-in to FroRo, though, I believe I reached the pinnacle of dining experiences in a place that is well deserving of its moniker. I scaled the face of Soul Mountain.
Soul Mountain is a black enterprise in the heart of downtown FroRo, specializing in Caribbean fusion cuisine presented in a culturally rich atmosphere. Its menu features a wide variety of spiced poultry and seafood, with an equally impressive drink list composed of both locally grown wines and fine international beers. The walls of the restaurant are festooned with various cultural items from far flung corners of the world: ancestral masks from west Africa, a large Persian tapestry, and a rotund ivory Buddha to name a few of the items. Unique not only in menu and décor, the restaurant also features entertainment programming that makes it even more attractive dining location. Colorful fliers on its chalkboard make it clear that each day has something unique to offer denizens of Soul Mountain: open mike on Wednesdays, Las Vegas lounge-style entertainment on Saturday nights, and dance music Thursday and Friday.

But no great restaurant can truly stand out without service to match. Soul Mountain does not disappoint in this aspect either. Ashad and I were treated to bottomless glasses of the most delicious, thirst quenching pink lemonade we had ever experienced. Our respective entrees were not only delicious in of themselves, but the speed and courtesy with which they were delivered made them even more savory – if that were somehow possible. Now, one may expect such a royal feast to come at an equally princely sum, but nothing could be further from the truth. Our meals came to a grand total of six dollars apiece thanks to a generous lunch special that capped off the entire dining experience nicely.

All of the facts considered, I hope to become a regular there. And I wouldn’t mind at all – nor would I be surprised in the least – if heaven turned out to be located upon the frosty peaks of Soul Mountain.

becky hammon

- the obligatory explanation for a lack of recent activity -

There is really no good explanation, other than the fact that I have had a rather fluid schedule, with no time set aside for noting down what I have been doing or thinking. Now that I find myself settling down into a good rhythm of things, should be able to keep up better with the blog.

- and now, on to the content -

As I read the latest edition of Sports Illustrated, I came upon an article about soon to be naturalized Russian (naturally born American) "Big Shot" Becky Hammon, a guard for the San Antonio Silver Stars and CSKA Moscow. Her story is not too complicated: she was not selected to the US National team, and took full advantage of a clause in her CSKA Moscow contract that provided a six-figure incentive if she were to play for the Russian national team and medal in the Olympics.

She is of the mind, as per her quotes in the article, that she is merely fulfilling a life-long dream of playing in the Olympic Games. Hammon rejects the "mercenary" label she has been given by some critics who cite the traitorous nature of playing for a country that for the greater part of the past century was the United States' sporting (and Cold War, for that matter) arch-enemy. The 2007 MVP runner-up "wish[es she were] given the opportunity to turn down two million dollars, to play for [her] country, because [she] would've done it in a second."

Given the opportunity to turn down money, to play for your country? I'm sorry, but this is not a matter of opporunity. This is a matter of a professional athlete looking to make more money and using the Olympic Games, a once amateur-oreinted competition founded upon the principle world peace and understanding through international sporting competition. Hammon (and her turncoat compatriot J.R. Holden) along with their enablers CSKA Moskow and the Russian government/sporting autorities. I have no problem with professional athletes doing what htey need to do to get the money they are able to earn due to their God-given natural ability and honed talent. But to cite the chance to seize upon the unique opportunity of playing in the Olympics as a reason for playing for a different national team is dishonest at best and ruinous to international competition. Hammon is merely seizing upon a unique opportunity for her wallet.

National teams are supposed to be the best of the best from the country they represent. They are not meant to be yet another club team for which any player can suit up. If they are, such hallowed competitions as the Olympics and the FIFA World Cup cease to have any special meaning and become second-rate tournaments to top level club competitions like the UEFA Champions League. International sporting bodies like FIFA and FIBA should clamp down on rules that allow players to be mercenaries and punish clubs like CSKA Moskow that tempt players to switch national allegiance through financial incentives.

And as for Ms. Hammon, I hope she and her Russian "countrywomen" come in a close second to the United States at the Games and that the playing of The Star Spangled Banner arouses in her the deepest of disappointments, too deep for any sum of money to fill.

iphone

This past Saturday was both very familiar and life changing for me. It followed the normal pattern of collegiate Saturdays: wake up far too early, labor at a service project for about 3 hours, have a filling meal, take a shower, laze away the afternoon, and then drink heavily. Nothing all together out of the ordinary.

The life-changing part fell between the getting up too early and the manual labor. The hour of waking was about 6:30 (with a snooze or two, it actually became 6:42, but you get the idea) and the purpose was to get in line to purchase Cupertino Orchards' latest incarnation of the revolutionary iPhone, the iPhone 3G.

Now, I am the first to admit my admiration for gadgets, gizmos, and generally all things electronic. Spending hours walking around the aisles of Best Buy or their virtual counterparts on newegg.com is not a waste of time for me, but rather a necessary means for me to catch up on what is the latest and greatest in the world of technology. If this sounds weird at all, just replace 'Best Buy' with 'Nine West', 'newegg.com' with 'Steve Madden', and 'technology' with 'shoe fashion' and see if that doesn't sound like any woman you know.

But as a matter of principle I reject waiting in line for hours for the newest technology to go on sale. No, no you will never find me camped out in front of Wal Mart for that first shipment of PS3s, nor for that matter will you see me decked out in full Jedi attire for the midnight showing of a Star Wars prequel/sequel/animated movie (I am also way into movies, especially movies that incorporate sweet high tech things, hence Star Wars as an example). The whole notion of lines is distasteful to me, as standing still for hours on end is very boring and wasteful, as it could be spend lying still for hours (sleeping) or sitting (watching entertaining tv). To this point in my life, lines were to be avoided at all costs.

Not so with the iPhone. For some reason, whether it be iPhone envy (Jeff and Mike have enjoyed the iPhone for months now) or dissatisfaction with my old phone (it doesn't really slide open anymore), I found myself more than willing to wake up at the crack of dawn and park myself outside of the local AT&T store and wait for the latest shipment to go on sale. And wait I did.

The scene at the store was quite a mess, as some folks who were snubbed after waiting in line on Friday morning made sure not to repeat the mistake by arriving extra early and truly camping out. One fellow claimed that he didn't go to sleep after bar hopping on the Corner Friday night, merely making the store the last leg of his Friday night exploits. Another chap was liveblogging (on his MacBook of course) about the experience while in line. Yet another dude, the king among all, made an event out of it by bringing the whole family along: he unloaded a passenger van full of his offspring (about 6 in number, none over the age of 10) and had them accompany him in line, well-equipped with juiceboxes, board games, and Hannah Montana accessories abound. The cynical among us thought that it was all a ploy to hoard iPhones (each person in line was entitled to one phone), but it turned out just be a very ill-advised parenting move (as each kid wreaked havoc in the store once they were let in, much to the dismay of the already on-edge sales reps).

I was the average, sensible enthusiast with my book and light breakfast (an apple, how apropos) with me in line. The two hour wait wasn't too bad, and when all was said and done was well worth it. How so? Of the past 52 hours I have had the phone, I have used it in some fashion for 8 of them, which is rather impressive when you factor out sleeping, eating, and all of the other essentials that take up one's life. Waiting for, using, and loving the iPhone, I am sure it is all time well spent.

back in action

It sure has been a long time since my last post, but here are some of the things I have been up to since I was last posting:

- attended my first wedding as an adult, where I delivered a best man speech for my brother. It was a nerve-racking experience until I gave the speech, whereupon the clock struck hammertime and it was on like donkey kong. The night went from having a dance off with my brother and dad to taking shots of tequila into the wee hours of the morning with my brother's (somewhat) alcoholic friends.

- a 13 hour drive home after the aforementioned night on the town. It hurt.

- training for CGs, which has been at varying times informative, extremely boring, and full of more hungover trials by fire.

- as a corralary: many, many college visits. I have seen over 16 colleges and universities in Virginia in the past few weeks. I think I will have a recap post once I am all done with the tours, to both jog my memory and enter the jone-dome because some of these places have been TRIFLING.

- seen what heretofore has been seemingly impossible: the Spanish National Football Team WIN an international tournament! What a moment that was! I think in the past 6 months I have expended most all of my good sports karma for the decade.

- recommitted myself to postings of note on this blog once again.

mac guy

I got a call the other night from my brother (the very one I am writing a best man speech for) asking me to make a slideshow for him and his all-too-soon-to-be wife to be shown during the reception after the wedding. This will be the second wedding-related slideshow for me in as many weeks. Previous to this time in my 22 years of life, I have never been asked to make any sort of creative thing ever.

Why?

Because most people who know me will say that I am pretty much a dullard at making creative, artsy things. Of any sort. I nearly failed art class every year in elementary school, have never been able to fold origami, and the closest thing to a drawing I can usually muster is a funny-because-its-so-terrible stick figure scene. I really can't say that I have ever had any sliver of success at any time in my life when it comes to making visually appealing things of any size, shape, or style. My parents never had my artwork on the fridge... my doodles in notebooks were usually hard long division problems... I struggle to color inside of the lines.

I suck.

So why ask me to make something pretty, something that requires an artistic eye and a flair for the creative? I think its a simple matter of pigeonholing, I've been stereotyped. Is it due to my race, my color, my creed? No. Its because of my choice in computer. I've become a "mac guy".

Apparently owning a mac makes you some kind of creative wizard - after all, why would you get such a machine if you weren't on it to make movies, highbrow digital art, or (evidently) sweet slideshows in iMovie? This is indeed an unfortunate stereotype, because I am no mac guy. Its true, I do enjoy my computer a lot, but not because I am some kind of creative genius. No - I just like it because the OS is really sweet and stable, it has some neat design features, and looks pretty good to boot.

My clients may have made a perilous choice in trusting this art class failure to make something creative. Serves them right for stereotyping.

Not to say that stereotypes can't be useful or hilarious. One only need to think of this fellow to know that.





Euro 2008 match prediction success rate: 62.5% (fucking Greeks let me down, but at least the Spanish were dominant... ole!)

best man

As some of you may know, my brother asked me to be one of the best men at his wedding this summer. Having never been to a wedding before, I found this to be a curious selection, but I didn't hesitate as I felt that it could be a great time considering I think he is a pretty cool guy and his fiancee is just wonderful. Besides, weddings are pretty jubilant affairs - or so I hear - and I am not one to turn down an open bar.

The one catch of course, is the best man toast. As one British writer said: "delivering the best man speech is like kissing the Queen Mother, its a great honour, but nobody wants to do it!" My sentiments exactly. Its not that I get nervous talking in front of big crowds, its just that the subject matter is pretty awkward to deal with. For two to three minutes, I have to wax poetic about lovey dovey shit re: my brother and his now-wife when we have maybe had a serious conversation about twice in our lives.

But the show must go on, so I am writing the speech right now, and it seems decent. Not good, not fork in the eye awful, but passable. I think it will get me out of the situation having done my duty, hopefully getting a few laughs and avoiding any embarrassing slipups or inopportune voice cracks. (I really hope my vocal cords have gotten that out of their system.) Ideally, it will pass by and before I know it I will be drinking a (numerous?) delicious jack+cokes with the rest of the groomsmen and bridal party. And then dancing up a storm in an attempt to seriously embarrass my brother. And then passing out and preparing for my epic journey back to Virginia on Sunday. More on that later.

But enough of that, here is some stuff on today's Euro action:

France 0 - 0 Romania
- more painful to watch than public access, elementary school children-produced television.
+ there is a dude named RAT on Romania.

Netherlands 3 - 0 Italy
- decidedly not what I predicted for the day... I'm sorry I assumed that the Italian National Team would show up and not the Fanculo Miss Nancy Squad.
+ Sneijder, the clutch Dutch Delight!


Euro 2008 match prediction success rate: 66.6% (took a hit as expected, but hopefully there will be recovery with the debut of LA FURIA ROJA!!!)

usa - argentina

Sorry for all of the soccer posts as of late, but with the Euros going on and really not that much else taking place in my life, there really isn't much else to talk about.

Sadly, I wasn't able to enjoy today's Euro '08 as much as I would have liked due to a combination of shambolic transmission from my best friends at Comcast and me wasting a lot of time showing my computer illiterate cousin how to burn dvds from his girlfriend's laptop. I am ok with people being computer illiterate (if you are over 40), but what really irks me is when people fill up their generic PC computing box with a lot of generic bullshit spyware nonsense (those stupid search engine bars in IE and animated cursors, terrible). So helping involves a number of hurdles, such as overcoming the fact that your cursor is actually a fucking "I <3 NY" icon and you have filled up your hard drive with adware doodoo. Nice.

But I digress.

Highlight of the day was definitely the USA-Argentina match that I was able to watch without illiterate interruption. Here are some of the things that I liked (+) and didn't like (-) about the match:

+ Gago and Dempsey getting pissy with each other and trading words and fouls in the first half.
+ Eddie Johnson apparently yanking Mascherano's johnson in the second half... much to Javier's chagrin.
- the fact that Argentina continue to be one of the more hideous national sides in the world. Its almost as if they outcrossed Carles Puyol and a thawed Neanderthal to produce the team. (Reference exhibits A, B, and C.)
- refereeing worthy of UVA IMs instead of a FIFA governed international friendly. Who in their right mind could confuse Edu and Mastroeni?
- lackluster American commentary... Aguero plays in the Spanish Primera Liga, or La Liga, not "the Spanish League", that league does not exist. Thanks.
+ a gritty, impressive showing from the Americans (Man of the Match is Tim Howard for me) against a solid Argentina side.


Euro 2008 match prediction success rate: 100% (4 for 4... look for this to take a hit with tomorrow's group of death matches)

euro thoughts

The tournament began today, and not a day too soon because I was getting tired of the only thing going on in the soccer world being transfer rumors. I enjoyed both games, and figured I would share my thoughts about each one.

Switzerland 0 - 1 Czech Republic
- Some countries have extremely trifling national anthems. The Czech Republic is one of them. "Where is My Homeland?" asks a question to which the answer is clearly "somewhere behind the Iron Curtain of old", because it sounds like a straight up soviet dirge. Terrible.
- Speaking of national anthems, instead of having the typical, you know, Swiss-looking person singing it, they had what appeared to be a gypsy in a swiss miss red dress. At least it was a respectable tune.
- Philippe Senderos is a clown in "defense". One of his best moves of the day was when he closed his legs to prevent an imminent megging, just to be dribbled around instead. Good job.
- Jan Koller is an absolute lurch of a man. He lacks the spindly, awkward qualities that at least make Peter Crouch entertaining to watch.

Portugal 2 - 0 Turkey
- Whoa, am I playing FIFA? No, thats just Andy Gray commentating on a real life match!
- All bias aside, the new generation of Nike uniforms are a little tight fitting for my taste... I saw a little more nipple outlines from both teams than I would care to see.
- I could have sworn this was a sneak preview of the games in Beijing, but not of the soccer competition. No, no, I thought the team diving competition had begun a few months early. Both teams were guilty of some rather mediocre acting in this respect, chief among all being the antithesis-of-handsome Tuncay Sanli.
- I wish ESPN would quit trying to provide American coverage of the tournament and just patch through telecasts from an English-speaking country that has sportscasters who know what the fuck is going on. Julie Foudy is a sweetheart, but I would even take the squad over at FSC over this.


Euro 2008 match prediction success rate: 100%



Thats all for today, I think I am going to Outback with my parents now. Oh, and Clinton conceded today... could this day get any better?

euro 2008

Tomorrow marks the beginning of Euro '08, which I don't think I could be more excited about. Futbol rivals football as my favorite sport, and the prospect of having almost an entire month of top notch competition going on makes me tingle with joy (yeah its that exciting).

And what takes already sumptuous sports competition even better? Yes that would be fantasy sports. As such, I have joined a few leagues and am willing to share my brash and probably incorrect predictions right here. Have more confidence in your predicting abilities, Brendan you say? I would, but... I kind of predicted that Italy would go nowhere in Germany 2006. Yeahhhh, so take these predictions and the commentary for what its worth.


Euro 2008
Preview - Group Stage (projected winners in bold)

Group A
Czech Republic
Portugal
Switzerland
Turkey
// The Czechs and the Portuguese overpower the competition in this one, but I give Rosicky and friends the edge to advance at the top spot. The Swiss will miss out in qualification for the knockout round, but will make it interesting and may well prove me wrong, as host countries are not to be underestimated (unless you are Austria, sry).

Group B
Germany
Croatia
Poland
Austria
// The Germans cruise as they look as comfortable in Austria as they did back in '38. The Croatians pip the Polish and advance as the two seed... sadly the Austrian hosts are blanked and will probably have to streak the Alps or something.

Group C - XXX GROUP OF DEATH XXX
France
Italy
Netherlands
Romania
// The aptly named group of death will offer up some of the best matches of the competition. Apologies to the Romanians, but they will probably be joining the Austrians in their streaking, as they will find it hard to claim a point in this group. I see France going out of the group on top, and the Netherlands missing out on the next round due to a lack of fitness overall.

Group D
Spain
Sweden
Greece
Russia
// With England out of the competition, Spain has sole claim of the title "biggest underperformers with highest expectations". They won't let that title stop them from advancing in first place from the group, but just wait for the later rounds for their patented knockout round chokejob. Sweden will edge out holders Greece for the second spot, as the Greeks will find it hard to repeat the magic of 2004.


So those are my predictions and I am sticking to them... right or (more probably) wrong.

hillary supporter

Below is a transcript of a conversation I had with a friend, self-proclaimed feminist, and Hillary Clinton supporter. Keep these things in mind as you read. This kind of logic represents the uphill battle Obama faces in unifying the party before the convention.

(links added after the fact, comments separated from actual conversation by some sweet //)

me: oh come off it
hillary_fan: im mad you think HRC is an albatross
me: for obama, she would be
me: as vp
me: lets be real here
hillary_fan: he would be lucky to have her
me: LOL
hillary_fan: who is better? CERTAINLY not jim webb
me: no, definitely not
hillary_fan: im definitely voting mccain with webb on a ticket. maybe this kathleen sibelius person? i dont know
me: if he is going with a woman, he has to go with the madam governor of kansas
hillary_fan: 18 million people voted for hillary - thats a lot
me: lets quit rounding up here
me: 18 mil voted for obama as well
hillary_fan: right
me: by the rules, he won
hillary_fan: so doesnt that mean 36 mill would vote for both
me: it should!
me: they're all "democrats"
hillary_fan: oh i know he won, im not disputing that
me: as long as you discount those fiendish righties who voted for hillary to prolong the campaign
hillary_fan: or fiendish righties who voted for obama because they know mccain will demolish him
me: mccain isn't closer policy wise than obama
me: oh right
me: limbaugh wasn't urging his people to go out and vote for obama
me: they should FEAR obama
me: he inspires people
me: mccain literally looks like he is going to croak any minute
hillary_fan: why though - he inspires false hope.
hillary_fan: i want to believe him brendan
me: FALSE HOPE?!?!
hillary_fan: i want to sooo badly - i just DONT
me: you are crazy right now, friend
me: I think you need to cool down a bit after the hillary let down
hillary_fan: im sorry! i cant help it! i just dont believe what he says - and thats always been the case
hillary_fan: i mean - i believe he honestly wants change, etc etc. but i dont believe he can do it
me: even if you don't believe in his message of hope, POLICY wise, he supports more similar things than mccain
me: you can't deny that
me: so you can't honestly say that you would rather have mccain in office
me: the gop is dying right now
hillary_fan: everyone says he wants a new kind of politics, but you cant just decide to change everything - sometimes you need to work within an imperfect system to actually accomplish anything, and as much as people hated clinton for thinking she was manipulative, thats what being a succsessful politician IS
me: I'm not saying that he will be 100% successful
hillary_fan: i honestly think obama wouldnt do shit and mccain would keep us safe while taking away some of my rights maybe - and i need to decide which i prefer
me: WOW
me: not just taking away rights... denying them // just ask ellen
me: HE stands with the people who would rather not let gay people get married
hillary_fan: i know
me: HE stands with the people who want nonsense taught in our schools
hillary_fan: and thats an obvious negative
me: HE stands for most everything you DISLIKE!!!
hillary_fan: i KNOWW but i also think he could do positive things - immigration reform, etc
me: I mean he is better than the average repub on some things, but not by much
hillary_fan: and you have to balance that
me: I am telling you right now... he could be a more disastrous president than bush
me: he is all too ready to put other countries to the sword
me: he is against the Webb GI Bill for christ's sake // check that link, its a gem
me: the man makes no sense
hillary_fan: im just going to have to learn more about him, is all im saying
hillary_fan: im not tying mysef down blindly to one party - that makes no sense
me: he claims to be a foreign policy guy but can't keep sunni and shiite straight!
me: thats true
me: but the whole reason for parties is to facilitate collective action
hillary_fan: ill watch the debates, research them both, and make an informed decision
me: collective action based on common beliefs
me: clinton and obama have common beliefs
hillary_fan: i dont want to take collective action for someone im not sure will meet my needs
me: mccain lies far away from those beliefs
hillary_fan: i KNOW they do - practically identical - but he wont do anything
me: so you would rather have someone enacting policy you DISLIKE than someone who will at least try (and probably succeed with a democratic congress on his side) to enact policy you LIKE
hillary_fan: yes - but only because the person i dislike would also inevitably do some things i like
me: bonnie, you must see the fallacy in this
me: I see
hillary_fan: i see it this way - obama would do zero things in office, and mccain would do maybe 10 - 8 of which i would hate, but 2 of which i would like
hillary_fan: so that means mccain would do 2 more things that i like than obama would
hillary_fan: so whats the problem
...
me: I will guarantee you that there will be a bigger democratic majority in the next congress
me: and if thats the case
me: and somehow mccain gets elected with the help of clinton dem defectors
me: that will be the biggest political blunder in decades
me: DECADES //nay, centuries... reference the Whig's missed chance with the death of W.H. Harrison and subsequent Presidency of John Tyler
me: thats my story and i'm sticking to it
hillary_fan: well obviously the dems will take congress - but if mccain wins we KNOW he can be a bipartisan politician, and is, in fact, more moderate than obama, so whwats the problem
me: he was bipartisan... in 2000. he was a maverick... in 2000
me: he has become a right wing panderer in his quixotic quest for the republican nomination and the presidency
me: he doesn't make sense anymore
hillary_fan: in order to get the nomination, he had to. he'll inevitably center himself now
me: and is trying to be ronald reagan and failing
hillary_fan: thats the way he'll win - positioning himself as a moderate to obama's radical communist, or whatever
me: haha // for the record, thats a nervous laugh


This kind of thinking just won't do, Hillary fans out there. Yes, you were emotionally invested in a candidate you thought would be a great president. But she's out of the game now and you need to come to your senses and support the next best candidate for your personal political preferences. So unless you were one of those "Reagan Democrats" anyway, one that has been voting for Republicans since the 80s or whatever and would honestly prefer McCain's policies, get over it. Take your sour grapes, make some wine, and join the Obama camp because we're going to be partying when its January 20, 2009.